Readers, let me introduce you to my contribution of the day: Apparently people got sick of wearing clothes (ugh, how overrated is material?) so they found a sound and absolutely legitimate substitute. Glitter.
But of course! Glitter has great coverage, offers wonderful warmth and substantial protection from the sun. Earth to Vogue: Why do you keep telling people to wear actual clothes?
Welcome to an era where cultural appropriation became so prolific it got boring (shout out to all the American Indian headdress floating around Coachella last year), so Glitter boobs decided to come along as if it is a natural extension of costumes that probably shouldn’t be a thing:
So in the spirit of colour and glitter and all things happy (I’m just bursting!), here are some actual thoughts I had on the concept:
- The cleaning off process. Anyone who has ever accidentally touched some glitter knows it, ah, is about as permanent as a tattoo. Glitter absolutely doesn’t come off
- What if you sweat…?
- Or, in an extension of that, what if it slowly starts to rub off?
- Do stick on diamonds on your nipples hurt but my instinct says it would hurt
- It’s itchy…right?
- How much money do people pay to get this done?
- Do these people not have hobbies?
- Who has this much spare time?
- What happens when your boobs want to dance? Or bounce? Or move?
- Why kind of glue is used? I assume Clag’s no good
Still can’t get enough?
Well, here are previously promised photos. Don’t say we never contribute to the world.