Why 'Bondi Vet' Dr Chris Brown has created his own Census.

Last night, Australia attempted to have a Census — and as we all know, it was hilarious.

For those of us who managed to actually complete our forms before being told we could not submit themwe know the questions that were within.

And we can all agree there will be a vital piece of information missing from the statistics (apart from potentially half the population… hopefully that gets sorted): pets.

There were questions about domestic duties and whether or not we had done volunteer work in the past week (way to make us feel guilty). We provided information on our level of qualification and weekly income.

But there was nowhere to put our pets, and Bondi Vet‘s Dr Chris Brown is determined to do something about that.

“Sure it’s Census time, but something doesn’t seem quite right. It appears they’ve forgotten someone; our pets,” the popular vet posted to his Facebook wall last night.

“With not a single question about the furry family, it’s surely impossible to plan for an Australia where pets are included.”

His solution? Launching Australia’s first-ever Pet Census.

Listen: The Mamamia Out Loud podcast discusses #CensusFail 2016. (Post continues after audio.)


“You might even enjoy this one,” he promised.

“This census is simple, with just eight questions and best of all, no personal details! Armed with this insight into our pet population, I’ll be talking to government over the next month to ensure we Keep Australia Pet Friendly.”

Sure, some of you might be thinking, ‘The last thing I want is more Census’, which, at this point, is a fair call.

So I took Dr Chris’ pet census to let you know what you’re in for.

Oh. Just when it's cold. Or too hot. Or I feel lonely. But ONLY then. Image via Pet Census. 

Although Dr Chris' questions are a good starting point, I did make one amendment...

Dr Chris' Facebook post has since been liked 33,000 times and shared more than 16,000 times, indicating the one thing Australians love as much as the Olympics is our goddamn pets.

One commenter wrote, "8,059 family pets per year are put to death because landlords say NO. That's the cruel reality behind renting with family pets in Australia...40,296 family pets had to be euthanised by RSCPA last year alone." (Post continues after gallery.)

Indeed, 63 per cent of Australian households own pets — mine included — and they are very much a part of the fabric of Australian life in 2016.

So why was there no place for my darling Caesar?

Meet Caesar. "Excuse me, why don't I count?" Image supplied. 

Look, I don't want to speak on behalf of my dog, but he was pissed.

He was looking over my shoulder, like the contributing Australian he is, prepared to answer any question the Census threw at him. And instead, the survey ignored him altogether.

Today, there are whispers (um, shouts) that the Census server failed last night because it was hacked. All I'm saying is that there were literally millions of really pissed off Australian pets last night.

"This census is bullsh*t". Image via iStock.

Coincidence? I. Think. Not.

Hopefully next time the Australian Bureau of Statistics will include our beloved pets in our national census.

But you must admit, it's a glorious day when the official ABS census website is down, and the Pet Census is working just fine. 

You can complete the Pet Census here.

Featured image: Instagram/@drchrisbrown