We’ve all been a victim of that troubling situation where you get your period and, because the universe hates you, you’re surrounded only by people who own penises.
Of course, you don’t have any pads and tampons on you, because it’s not like this happens EVERY GODDAMN MONTH, and you’re forced to make do with what you have. Toilet paper. Sturdy undies. A jumper around the waist.
But when one woman found herself recently hiking with a group of men, before (obviously) getting her period, she had a surprising experience.
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The Reddit user’s story begins with a definition:
Period Fairy: A person who unexpectedly and tactfully helps you through a period emergency.
So Jane (not her real name) typically hikes three times a week, usually with a group, including two women. But on this fateful day, the women bailed to go to the movies (good call, tbh).
Jane and three men – who she calls Dave, John and Teddy – got an Uber to the beginning of the hike, and were set to get an Uber home. They’d been hiking for hours, when Jane feels a very familiar sensation. They’re about 20 minutes from the end of the trail, but then there’s the trip home.
“It hits me,” writes Jane. “I didn’t feel it coming at all, and it’s like four days early. I immediately slink back like 20 feet from the group and start having a panic attack. I had NOTHING on me and I was wearing shorts. At least they were black, but they wouldn’t hold much. I’d also 100% bleed up the Uber.”
So like the genius/problem-solving woman she is, Jane stuffs her bra down her shorts, to, you know, absorb the situation.
Of course, it’s at this point that Dave notices Jane’s acting kinda weird.
LEAVE JANE ALONE, DAVE.
SHE IS FINE.
Yes, she has a bra stuffed down her pants. Yes, she is in the wilderness with three men who have literally no idea what she's going through. But she is FINE.
"To my horror, he [Dave] falls back and starts walking next to me," Jane writes. "He leans in and whispers, 'Do you need to pee?'"
"Then I realised I'm like doubled over with my hands on my crotch. Seemed obvious."
"'No, I, that's not', I'm stammering."
"'Period issue?' he says next."
"At that point I just mumble 'yeah'."
Now, there's no way Jane was expecting Dave to actually be of any help. But this is what happened next:
"And then, this guy, this f*cking glorious, magnificent guy, he calls out to John and Teddy: 'Hey, Jane's scraped her arm on a tree or some shit, I'm gonna tend to it but it's gonna be like five minutes. Just get to the road and set up lunch and call the car'."
"John says sure and the two of them keep on walking. Dave slides off his magical backpack and opens a pouch on the front of it. 'Pads or tampons?' he says.
"I mutter 'tampons,' completely stunned at all this. He pulls out three tampons, the good kind, and a handful of wet-naps. Hands them to me and then he opens the main compartment and pulls out a long sleeve black t-shirt. 'Go in the trees and take care of it, then tie the shirt around your waist.' He then pulls out a big band-aid and slaps it on my arm to keep up his cover story."
"I ask him why he had these, he's just like, 'I've been hiking with women for years, you think I'm stupid?'"
Yes, well. The internet has LOST IT over Jane's story.
Everyone has decided they a) need their own Dave, b) need to raise their sons to be Dave, and c) need to tell everyone to be more like Dave.
But really, if you carry some spare pads and tampons with you, and handle the issue of menstruation sensitively, you too can be a period fairy.