For many months now, I’ve known my husband was organising a private Bucks party for one of his best buds.
I’ve known it will be a massive piss-up at home and that a naked lady will be involved.
I thought I’d come to terms with it. I’ve played it cool.
But now it’s on this weekend, and the truth is I’m not okay. Not. Okay.
So here’s the go. I’m a woman, married to a man for three years. He and the fellas planned a Bucks night. It will be spent at another guy’s private apartment on Saturday, and they’re inviting a stripper over.
No, there’s nothing really out of the ordinary with this. A stripper is usually a given. I know this. You know this. We all know this.
But what I didn’t know was that I would react… so… seethingly.
I’m not a prude. I’m open sexually, sometimes too open.
I also completely trust my husband.
But something about this Bucks has rubbed me the wrong way. It’s hard to put into words.
The performance will be up and close, and behind closed doors. So perhaps it’s the thought of a bunch of drunk guys sitting at home being as vulgar as they want towards a woman and likely trying to one-up each other on how crass they can get.
Maybe it’s also the idea that the guys hand-picked their ideal woman based on her appearance and her cup size on her online stripper profile. And she’ll look nothing like me.
I hate this whole situation, and I hate what my inner response says about me. That I’m a killjoy? Or insecure? Or controlling? Or petty?
That just doesn’t seem to be a fair assessment.
Why do I have to be fine with it?
Why is it an expectation that just because another bloke is getting married, I must nod and smile when my husband calls a woman over to a private address for some naked entertainment?
It may be ‘tradition’ – albeit arguably a warped, dated, tacky and sexist one – but it doesn’t make sense.
On any other night, this would not be a “sure, honey” situation.
When you’re in a relationship, you make certain commitments to one another. Yet when it comes to Bucks parties, you’re expected to be a good wife or girlfriend by giving men a free pass.
After asking a bunch of friends how they felt, it turns out many other women resort to hiding their true feelings. Because what else are you meant to do? The bitterness it’ll cause between you and your partner isn’t worth it, is it?