There are some stories that should stay between Mummy, Daddy… and an entire world of online strangers.
The outpouring of mostly kinky, sometimes illegal and sometimes heartbreaking tales was prompted when one user asked: “Parents of Reddit, what’s something you hope your kids never find out about you?”
Here are their stories.
1. The kink that can’t be straightened.
“For a few years now I’ve been seeing a professional dominatrix who does whatever she wants to me, up to and including using my body for her other customers’ pleasure. Not sure you want to know that about your mother.”
“That daddy and I see sex workers for fun.”
“The amount of sex toys I have in a briefcase under the bed. Luckily still young enough that I can leave it there but eventually I’m gonna need a safe.”
“Me and my wife are very heavily into BDSM. That would be hard to explain. Luckily my daughter is only eight months old now.”
Watch: Mamamia staffers reveal the weirdest things they’ve heard in bed. (Post continues after video.)
2. When I get that feeling…
“We are swingers. We just the other day met another couple we are going to start dating… and going to fuck.”
“How much porn I look at.”
“That we were swingers but are now in a poly relationship with a couple we meet while swinging. Surprise! ‘Uncle K’ and ‘Auntie D’ are in no way related.”
3. The real "how we met."
"Sixteen years ago I married a stripper in Vegas. Still married and the mother of all my kids. There are worst things that they will never know, but this is the one thing that directly impacted their lives."
"Sold drugs to pay for college and my down-payment on my first house. I worked too, but I got a jumpstart on life that has helped me to this day. This is also how I met your mother and your best friend's mum."
"I was married to my first wife at the time and a friend brought over a girl he was dating. We all became friends and she actually lived with my first wife and I for a while. She dated my wife's brother. And then one night her and my wife stayed up drinking while I went to bed. They woke me up the next morning with a threesome. And that's the story of the first time I had sex with my second wife/mother of my children/love of my life." (Post continues after gallery.)
4. An unromantic conception.
"That they were conceived after mummy had one too many vodka and lemonades..."
"Your life began during a relatively brief, unspectacular, drunken sex act on the same living room couch you now play your Xbox on because there was a power outage and we got bored. Now that I think of it, we should really save for a new couch."
5. The proposal.
"I proposed to their mother while she was drunk and topless."
Watch: Evidently, Gen Y is having less sex than their parents. (Post continues after video.)
6. The not-so-great ideas.
"I got shitfaced camping once, ran around the campground looking for booze and ended up stealing a little girl's birthday cake and binge eating it."
"All the drugs when their mother and I met, we were heavy into cocaine."
7. The sacrifices.
"I've skipped meals so they didn't have to."
"I hope my daughter never knows the struggle I've had to go through to get time with her. I don't think I'll ever tell her, even when she is older. I don't want her to think less of her mum, even though we do not get along and she is trying to have sole custody."
Featured image: HBO