beauty

Pale Girl Problems: Your foundation is called 'Snow Ivory' and it's still too dark.

“In summer, when tan people complain that they need to buy new foundation because their normal shade is too light; I will never know that feeling.”

Visible blue veins, burning the minute you step outside and chanting, “Pale is the new tan. Pale is the new tan,” while looking at our blindingly-white limbs come summertime.

Welcome to the world of pale girl problems.

For the pale-skinned among us, you’re not alone. Many of the Mamamia team also suffer from this same affliction, so we’ve come up with a definitive list of things only pale girls will understand. Add your own in the comments below!

1. Your foundation is called ‘Snow Ivory’ or something similarly embarrassing and you can only buy it in Northern Europe.

2. Always being asked, ‘Are you feeling ok? You look unwell. Go home, you’re sick’. No, I’m just pale. I always look like this.

3. Being unable to go outside without sunscreen. Ever. Not even for one minute.

4. Subsequent acne from being forever coated in sunscreen.

5. Everyone always wants to compare their skin colour against yours.

6. Never being able to find the right shade of pale pink nail polish to suit your skin. Stop looking, it doesn’t exist.

7. You, from an objective, scientific standpoint, look fatter and less fit, because muscle tone is more pronounced on tanned people. Bastards.

8. You were ghosting in photos long before it became a meme.

9. In summer, when tan people complain that they need to buy new foundation because their normal shade is too light. I will never know that feeling.

10. Knowing that your fake tan application isn’t fooling anyone.

11. People judging you because you’re sunburned and asking if you put sunscreen on (YES, YES YOU HAVE. AT A RATE AND VOLUME THAT EXCEEDS THAT OF ANYONE ELSE AT THIS BEACH PARTY THANKYOUVERYMUCH).

12. The colour yellow.

13. All of your body hair is 20x more visible. Particularly that on your arms, stomach and upper lip – fabulous for the dark-haired.

14. You’re considering having a Halloween-themed wedding, because you know that you’re going to look like you’ve come as a ghost.

15. Visible blue veins.

16. When you exercise, your face isn’t just a nice flushed red, it is a blotchy, rash-like, ‘do I need to call an ambulance?’ kind of red.

17. People automatically assume that you love the cold.

18. Not being able to physically tan. You burn, go bright red then straight back to white.

19. Bronzer is never going to look natural, mainly due the fact that it is approximately 10 shades darker than your natural skin tone.

20. I’m so jealous of your pasty, white skin!” said no one ever.

21. When your makeup brand decides not to continue their porcelain ivory range, obviously thinking no one can be that pale. I have news for you Maybelline, they can be.

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22. Sticking out like a sore thumb at typically “summery” activities – like when going the beach, or a music festival.

23. That healthy glow everyone gets when they come back from a holiday? Never going to happen.

24. If you have dark brown hair, people automatically assume you’re trying to bring back the Emo era from the early 2000s.

25. Being a hot weather buzzkill. In summer, you zero in on the only tree within a 50km radius and demand everyone around you reapply sunscreen every 20 minutes while talking about the dangers of melanoma.

26. Never being able to wear white clothes…ever!

27. People will comment on how pale you are am, but then say something like “you shouldn’t get a spray tan though, that would look weird. It’s a lose/lose situation!

28. No matter how hard you try you blush at the slightest thing, which makes you embarrassed and then go redder. You wish to stab anyone who draws attention to your blushing in the eye…with a very sharp pointy object.

29. Being told ‘That colour really washes you out.’ You take solace in the fact their deep golden tan is one day going to be leathery.

30. You could easily pass for an extra in Twilight.

31. The beach? AS IF. ARE YOU CRAZY? I once went to the beach for five hours and forgot to reapply – I was in hospital for two days and in bed for a week. I still have freckles in the shape of the swimmers I was wearing that day.

32. Being told you’re ‘Snow White.’

33. When people say ‘oh you’re so tan!’ it’s a compliment. When people say ‘oh, you’re so pale!’ it’s like a sympathetic jibe, where they’ll later go back and look at their tanned skin and praise the higher powers that they’ll never have your horrific problem.

34. Thinking you’re rocking a summer glow, when your boss says to you, ‘Pale girl problems! YOU can write this post!’

Hit us with your pale (or other) girl problems!

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