Many people, specifically people-pleasers like me, have once found themselves at the exhaustive end of a one-sided relationship or friendship, wondering how they got there. Perhaps during a period of self-reflection or therapy, we came to the realisation that a certain person—like a partner, a friend, or a family member—is standing in our way, blocking us from growth and happiness.
It’s when we recognise that we’re the ones who put in all the work, the time, and the energy into the relationship.
We go above and beyond for this person, and they don’t seem to reciprocate, ever. They forget about our plans but expect us to drop everything for them at the last minute. They can always count on us for companionship, moral support, and advice, but when the tables are turned, they never seem to come through.
And even after we confront them and tell them how we feel, nothing ever changes. They tell us we’re being sensitive or taking things too personal. They somehow find a way to put the blame on us.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions: Relationship deal-breakers. Post continues below.
This exact scenario has taken place in my life during a failed romantic relationship with an older man and a horribly toxic friendship with a friend who drained me emotionally and mentally until I had nothing left of me to give to her.
I ignored the red flags (and all the orange and yellow ones too) until I realised I was not loving myself while staying close with my boyfriend and years later, my friend. I suffered every time they let me down, and I’d had enough.
I wasn’t exactly sure how I got this deep into a one-sided relationship. Most of us never do; we just look around in our friendship or romance, and we don’t know where it went wrong but we do know we want to end things with this toxic person.
No, we need to end things with them.
When we feel we cannot grow as a person, as a partner, as a human being with this person by our side, we must walk away.
Breaking up doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s rare to end things with a toxic person on the first or second try.