“That sounds pretty one-sided,” my friend said after I’d described an interaction with my partner that was much like many of our interactions.
She said it so casually, as if she was telling me her shirt was red. Yet, that day, it struck me like something much deeper. It struck me like it was the truth.
Very few of our relationships start out one-sided because why would we choose to pursue being with them if that was the case?
But sometimes, for various reasons, a relationship will become one-sided. Someone slowly gets smaller and smaller while the other gets larger and larger. One person has all of the needs, while the other is needless.
At some point, you’ll realise that you don’t like how you feel when you’re around them, and you’ll feel drained after spending time with them and not be sure why.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions - Relationship deal-breakers. Post continues below.
Here are 5 signs your relationship has become one-sided.
1. Their needs are prioritised over your own.
Healthy relationships require balance. You may need to take up the slack sometimes, such as when your partner is ill or has a huge project for work, and vice versa.
But let’s say you’re ill or have a huge project at work and your partner doesn’t chip in or fusses at you for not doing your normal chores, then that’s a problem.
Or let’s say that your partner consistently makes sure you do what they want to do instead of trading off.
That’s a sign that your partner’s needs matter more than your own.
How to fix it: Tell your partner how you feel and assert boundaries. “I feel concerned that your needs are being prioritised over mine. Can you help me get my needs met by doing _____?”
2. You’re in charge of emotionally connecting.
Are you the one always initiating intimate conversations? Are you the one sliding over on the couch to cuddle up next to them or texting first throughout the day?
If so, then the labour of emotionally connecting has fallen solely to you.