Before you read on, please be aware this story contains major spoilers for Offspring season seven, episode one. You have been warned.
So, a whole bunch of things happened on the season seven premiere of Offspring tonight.
Some were a cause for celebration… and a single solitary tear of emotion best wiped away in shame. Such as the Proudman siblings coming together on the steps of their mother’s house for a touch of their significant, rapid-fire quirky dialogue.
Listen: Everything you need to know about season seven of Offspring. Including a few surprises.
Others were a tad disturbing, like when Zoe walked in on Nina and Harry having late night sex and instead of diving under the covers and out of sight, they chose to keep reenacting the moment and renamed it “squashing” – a term that will no doubt end up on a pricey therapy bill somewhere in Zoe’s future.
There was also the fact Brodie was still there, somehow, even though I’m pretty sure we voted her off the island… there’s a slight possibility I may be confusing my Channel Ten shows.
But what we need to talk about now is “the big reveal”. You know, the pivotal Proudman dinner scene that has been the center of the show’s publicity campaign during the leadup to the unveiling of the first episode.
We knew an explosive dinner scene, featuring pretty much the entire Offspring ensemble, was on the cards. We knew Geraldine was due to drop a bombshell, the likes of which we have not seen since Nikki was sent packing on The Bachelor.