This week I’m jumping into Offspring with just a hint of apprehension and a dab of fear.
You see, I had high hopes and dreams for the newest Proudman brother, Will. He seemed sweet, hopeful and impossibly upbeat. Kind of like a Care Bear who had fallen to earth.
Then last week his mask dropped down and we were given a sneak peek at the real Will, the guy who dismissed Jimmy’s dreams with a snarky “oh, you’re that kind of guy.”
Thankfully, the episode opens with a pretty rampant elevator sex scene and for a second I have to double check the channel to make sure I’m not watching an old school rerun of Grey’s Anatomy.
Unfortunately, there are no McDreamys or McSteamys in sight. Instead we’re treated to Clegg and Nina clawing at each other in a broken elevator while their bemused co-workers calmly watch on.
I’m sure it’s meant to be either sexy or horrifying, but all I’m looking at is the way Nina is positioned in a semi-handstand situation with Clegg against the wall. How is she getting that sort of hold and traction with those slippery high heeled boots against that shiny wall? That is come kind of wizardry that goes beyond simple TV magic.
Of course Nina wakes up in bed in a state of terror and seems appalled that Clegg was the star of her sexy dream time activities.
TALK about cringe-worthy. (Post continues after video...)
Now, most people would keep their sex dreams to themselves, but this is Nina Proudman we are talking about. So, of course she blurts it out to Angus the moment she comes across him in the hospital hallway the next day.
Of course Clegg also happens to also be passing by at that moment, and overhears that Nina is thinking about him once she slips in between the sheets and, being the man of medicine that he is, takes it all in his stride.
He assumes Nina was “pleasuring herself” while thinking about him and you can pretty much see the colour draining from her face. I think it’s safe to say she won’t be having sexy dreams about Clegg again anytime soon.
Also, since we’re here, let’s talk about Angus for a moment.
I know we’re supposed to see him as this rogue stallion of the hospital, a sexy player, a “pants man” as Nina dubs him. But, I have to be honest here, all I’m really getting are serial killer vibes.
The way he stares at her, so intently with those unblinking eyes and that slightly parted mouth? Yeah, I’m seeing chain filled dungeons, not candle lit dinners. It’s a brave direction to go in, but I have faith that Offspring can pull off an unexpected Criminal Minds infused story-line.
Meanwhile Billie, who we saw receive a mysterious phone call earlier in the episode while critiquing Nina’s underwear collection, has headed to a train station to pick up a sullen looking teenage girl.
It turns out her name is Brodie and she’s the daughter of Billie’s estranged friend Stacey, whom you’ll remember if you stretch your mind back to season one where she first showed up.
She’s escaped/been thrown out of her mother’s house in Mullumbimby but has been apprehend for fare evasion on her way to Melbourne. Billie bails her out, pays the fine and seeing that she has nowhere to go, offers to let her stay at Nina’s house until she gets on her feet.
Sometimes we all need a Billie Proudman in our lives.
Back at the hospital, Clegg calls Nina into his office and it can be safely assumed that he wants to clear the air about the whole sex dream scene. However, the reality is so much worse.
Instead, he wants Nina to talk him though what he was doing, what he was wearing and all the other gory details that go into making sexy gymnastic themed elevator scenes.
Nina pushes past her awkwardness to guess that his questions have less to do with her dreams and more to do with the fact that’s he’s feeling anxious about his relationship with Cherie. Poor Clegg is a bit of a broken man and it’s clear to see that he’s devastated by the idea that Cherie might not be attracted to him anymore.
Still, he’s not quite so sad that it stops him from offering to have random sex with Nina just to help her out in a pinch. He says that he can’t give all of himself to her, because he’s still in love with Cherie, but that he’s willing to give Nina a quick “one two” if she really needs it.
What a supportive workplace environment.
Despite the awkward start to their relationship, Angus and Nina share a special moment framed in the way Offspring does best, in a delivery room surrounded by a birthing woman’s wails of pain with amniotic fluid gushing around them like a waterfall.
After an emotional conversation about why Angus stepped away from obstetrics to take up teaching, Nina is supportive and encouraging but ends the conversation by saying that she won’t ever have sex with him. He responds by leering at her and saying “once I put my moves on you, you won’t stand a chance.”
Geez bud, been practicing that in the mirror deep within the bowels of your torture lair have you?
But even despite the fact that Angus is coming across as an understudy for America Psycho, Nina still agrees to meet him at a bar for a drink. She turns up wearing the world’s best white fringed jacket and put more thought than usual into her underwear choice, so we can pretty much guess where this is going.
Unfortunately, the first person she bumps into in the bar is her newly discover half-brother/fallen Care Bear Will, who pretends to be delighted to see her and claims that this random bar is his local hang-out.
Huh, a likely story, “WILL”, if that even is your real name.
He quickly figures out that he’s not wanted and disappears into the night, which is a good thing because Nina goes in for a kiss with Angus and the guy actually pulls away. Maybe he’s afraid she’ll sense his last victim on those protruding lips? Only time will tell.
However, this turns out to be a great thing because Nina finally unleashes all that sexual tension that’s been threatening to bubble to the surface all episode and has a hook up with a random stranger from the bar.
It’s a triumphant moment for Nina, but I find myself being pulled out of the sexy times slightly, owing to the fact that the “stranger” in the bed with her is Asher Keddie’s real life husband, artist Vincent Fantauzzo.
It’s actually kind of romantic, in a “lets-get-it-on-in-front-of-the-nation” kind of way. You crazy kids.
Despite Nina’s surprise hook-up with random bar dude, it looks like we haven’t seen the last of Angus and his bedroom/stalker eyes. But that’s a story for next week.
Missed out? Here's what happened on Offspring last week.
Whether it's a minute of me-time or an afternoon tea with friends and family, new White Wings Cake in a Cup™ adds magic to the everyday and makes it easier to create more special moments with loved ones.
In just one minute you can make warm, fluffy and delicious cake, with no oven baking required. Simply empty the packet into a cup, add two tablespoons (40ml) of milk, stir vigorously, microwave for one minute - and voila!
Available in 3 decadent flavours; Double Chocolate, Salted Caramel & Choc Chip, and Raspberry & Coconut. Which is your favourite?