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Offspring went from one extreme to the other and it was both heartwarming and excruciating.

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This week’s episode opens with Nina cuddled in bed alongside Zoe and Billie, which is a slightly different position from the one we left her in last week. 

In bed with her one-night-only hook up, Franklin, played by her real life husband of course. Offspring is getting so meta these days.

Image via Channel 10.

Poor Nina is slightly mortified as she reveals to Billie exactly what went down the night before, or, rather, who she got down with.  After she spills the beans about how she found Angus romancing two other ladies in the bar and ended up going home with their newly discovered half-brothers work mate instead, Billie seems suitably impressed.

Nina, of course, seems incredibly embarrassed by the fact that she hooked up with a random stranger after a night at the bar. She forlornly wails “exacccttllyyy” when Billie asks “who is Franklin?” but, to be honest, she should be counting her lucky stars.

If things had gone the other way, she could have ended up beneath the floorboards of probably-a-serial-killer Angus, while he enjoyed some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Image via Channel 10.
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If the situation wasn’t quite cringey enough for our heroine Nina, she quickly gets to the most embarrassing part of the whole evening. After her hook with Franklin, Nina jumped into a Uber and attempted to apologise to creepy Angus for leaving him in a bar alone instead of going down to his torture lair to check out his new rope collection.

But instead of an apology, she accidentally sends him a thumbs up emoji. And, as some many poor people in the cruel dating world have experienced before her, there’s just no coming back from a wrongly placed emoji.

Speaking of people with questionable motives and hidden agendas, Nina meets up with Will, her brother from another mother, and the tension could be carved with a slightly blunt butter knife.

“You’ve been my sister for such a short time and you’ve already slept with someone I work with,” says Will, clearly casting himself in the role of some tragic Shakespearean hero of yore.

Image via Channel 10.
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“We were just out celebrating because Franklin got a promotion, but I’m sure you know all about that” he snarls, clearly not registering the fact that young Franklin had himself a celebration.

And just when we’re all feeling just the tiniest bit sorry for Will and the awkward work situation Nina has thrust him into, he says “I have some news.”

Turns out that Will, that sneaky snake in the grass, has secretly purchased Jimmy’s struggling taquería, through a series of covert business dealings and is now putting Nina in the horrible position of having to break the news to her family and somewhat broken brother.

Why would Will do that, I hear you ask? Oh, I don’t know.

MAYBE BECAUSE HE’S PURE EVIL, FOR A START.

But that’s just my personal belief.

Image via Channel 10.

“How could you do that?” gasped Nina, who has also clearly just realised that she shares a brother with Satan. “Our Dad just died and Jimmy is broken. Can you get rid of it? You did a bad thing.”

“So did you” Will retorts, glaring back at her across the table.

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Oh……….. no. Did he really just sex shame her? I get that he’s worried about having to deal with a workmate who’s clearly got unrequited feelings of love for his half-sister. But implying that she’s “bad” for having casual sex the night before? That’s a new low, even for Will.

Poor Jimmy, of course, has no idea the evil surprise that is waiting for him at the hands of his brother. Because he’s too busy driving his dead father around in an urn on the passenger seat of his car.

In fact, he’s so preoccupied with his dad’s ashes that he accidentally picks up an unsuspecting woman by mistake when she assumes he’s an Uber driver.

Of course, she rightly freaks out when she realises she’s in a random car driving off into the sunset and demands to be let out as Jimmy earnestly assures her “I’m not a psycho”.

Image via Channel 10.

Sure, Jimmy.  If I had a dollar for every time a guy with an urn full of ashes in his car said that to me I’d have a house in the Bahamas and a coat made of endangered butterfly wins.

After discovering his new calling in life is to actually be an Uber driver, Jimmy heads on over to Nina’s house where he interrupts Billie and Mick’s attempt at acrobatic reunion sex.

Seeing Mick surprise Billie when he unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep has got to be the most heart-warming moment of the season so far. These two practically crackle with electricity when they are together, and Offspring just hasn’t been the same this year with Eddie Perfect’s charisma lighting up the screen. Maybe he can accidentally wack Will over the head with his guitar before he jets back to the UK?

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For some reason the Proudman siblings, Zara, Will, Mick and Cherie all decide to sit down together over dinner and a few glasses of red wine and pretend that that shimmering tension in the air is just our fading ozone layer.

Image via Channel 10.

This, of course, seems to Will like the perfect moment to drop the bombshell that he’s swindled Jimmy out of his taquería.

Jimmy, is, of course, furious and broken by this startling news. I have not seen such a strong look of brotherly betrayal like that since Scar pushed Mufasa off the cliff and into a heard of galloping antelope.

Then, like the deadly smiling assassin that he is, calmly informs Jimmy that not only did he secretly buy the taquería, but he’s already sold it to a contact in Hong Kong. For a steep profit.

He offers Jimmy half the money, but the damage is already done. Jimmy storms out of the room and then comes back again in a blaze of anger and says to Will “this is my family, you get out.”

You just betrayed the Proudmans, Will. May God have mercy on your soul.

Missed out? Here's what happened on Offspring last week.

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