I was walking my cavoodle around Melbourne’s bourgie inner North the other day when I stumbled on something terrifying.
Well, not stumbled on it. Stopped abruptly in my tracks in front of it, which was lucky because the thing — the terrifying thing — was a pile of dog sh*t.
As monstrous as an irresponsible pet owner failing to clean up after their canine might be (oh c’mon, NO ONE has small plastic bags on them ALL of the time), what troubled me was not the poo, but the tiny toothpick sticking out of it.
On the tiny toothpick was a tiny pink flag. The tiny pink flag read: Medium Rare.
WHO DID THIS?!!
My mind immediately filled with imagery of the kind of person who might go to the trouble of doing something so plainly ridiculous.
The kind of person who became so fed up with picking up poo they spent hours bulk-buying gallons of tooth picks, printing tiny signs and cutting them out with diminutive scissors, only to stalk around the neighbourhood passive-aggressively shaming their slovenly neighbours.
(I have since learned the flags are made for steaks — clearly the middle-class have all kinds of beef.)
I raised the issue amongst my peer group (posted the photo on Facebook) and they were equally horrified — or, at least, compassionately feigned horror in response to my obvious distress.
THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN.