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Diamond earrings aren't the most troubling thing about North's birthday.

NOTE: This is NOT the image of North West with her ears pierced.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian recently pierced their one-year-old daughter North West’s ears.

You might be astonished to know I do not want to talk about baby North West’s diamond earrings or the morality of her parents piercing her little lobes without her express permission (although who knows, maybe she did? Not for me to say).

To see the image of North with her ears pierced click here.

Anyhoo, like so many modern folk wanting to disengage from their actual lives, there are few discussions I find more interesting than the should-babies-have-their-ears-pierced debate (although whether or not a Thermomix is worth the money is a close second).

But, for the record, I don’t really care whether someone pierces their child’s ears or not. I used to think it was a bit nasty, you know – holes in the ears without consent etc, but that was before I had kids and realised that being a parent is bloody hard work and perhaps a bit of bling on on your kid makes the gig easier for some. For some it’s a funky name, for others it’s setting up a toddler’s own Instagram. But hey, whatever gets you though.

Sure, the multi-carat diamond studs might seem excessive to some, but this is Kanye and Kim we’re talking about. They really had no choice – to blow the equivalent of New Zealand’s GDP on their wedding then spend $75 in a pair of simple gold sleepers for North would seem a little stingy. They could have skipped the whole earring thing and bought some bath toys or a tambourine … actually no. It would be like Prince George getting a Hyundi Getz for his twenty-first. Nice idea, but never going to happen.

So, piercing and diamonds aside, what I really want to talk about is something we can all relate to – first birthday celebrations. Including but not limited to gifts, celebrations and family outings.

Because what really struck me about North’s first birthday was the outing. Kim and Kanye took North to a museum.

Whatever happened to a good old party?

Yes, it was The Children’s Museum Of Manhattan which is world-famous for being a child-focussed, stimulating and engaging place, full of fascination and wonderment. The thing of it is, though:  North is a baby and Kanye is a rapper, songwriter, producer, fashion designer and global icon. No wonder they both looked so bored.

Kanye’s molten eyes are saying, ‘Is this over yet?’

And Kimmy has that, ‘C’mon guys, this is a FUN FAMILY OUTING! It’s educational and stimulating and proof to the world that we can be happy doing regular family things! There’s more to us than flying to Tuscany on a fleet of private jets with party-stopovers in Paris and Amsterdam! This Museum thing is AWESOME. Please North, look enchanted for Mama (and the paparazzi)?’ look about her.

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Someone (and I’m sure they have a person for this) should have told them that one year old children, by and large, aren’t into museums. Even children’s museums. Most of them find going to the fruit shop more interesting. Also, at the fruit shop, there’s more chance of a free grape.

We’ve all done it though, particularly with a first baby: gone all out on the first birthday only to realise what a complete and utter waste of time it is. I know we did. My daughter had a PONY attend her first birthday party because she liked animals. It was all a bit of a disaster because  when it was time for Angel (the pony) to be put back into her truck Annabel went berserk because she thought Angel was a gift.

‘Why is the pony going?’ she cried (I might be projecting here),  ‘Do you hate me? I wish Kim Kardashian was my mother and not you!’

Kate Hunter

It was all a bit embarrassing, mainly because we’d invited a whole lot of people we barely knew. Just about anyone within a 10km radius who had children born in 2001-2004 was in our backyard that day. We did this because babies don’t actually HAVE friends, despite what their parents say. Babies’ ‘friends’ are the children of people their parents have met, even fleetingly, who say, ‘How adorable are they together? We must have you over for a play!’ Or, as it turned out, a party with a pony.

This kind of carry-on tends to only happen for first children. Parents, rendered  foolish by love, tend to learn fast. One year old babies have adorably simple needs. I wasn’t joking when I said a trip to the fruit shop is as much fun as a Museum – especially for kids like North who might never have been to one. Kanye might find it blast too.

Other great first birthday outings and activities include:

• Going to Nan’s.

• Feeding the ducks at the park.

• A walk to the corner to see the neighbours’ Spoodle.

• Seeing your cousins.

• Mangling a muffin in a food court.

• A morning at the beach, if there’s one nearby. Failing that, a tumble on some grass.

Museums? To a baby, no different to an airport: strangers, weird lights, things in boxes and on shelves.  If you’re in a stroller, it’s a day spent looking at knees.

If that’s a parents’ (and /or older siblings’) dream day out then, great. But that doesn’t seem the case in the case of little North’s family. They’d have better off going shopping at Maison Martin Margiela. At least Kanye would have looked happier.

Kids pick up on that stuff.

Do you think people of over the top celebrating first birthdays?

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