Upon announcing an impending divorce just 18 days after her most recent wedding, Sinead O’Connor was philosophical. She pondered the wisdom of insisting upon a post-ceremonial drug run through Vegas with her new husband, who it turns out is a drug counsellor. Nothing compares to you Sinead, except most of your husband’s clients.
Russell and Katy married in India just one year ago. The festivities went on for a week. Then she released and album and toured it around the world. He released a movie, (unfortunately for all of us it was Arthur) which he promoted all over different bits of the world to the ones she was in. Cracks appeared. They dealt with them in the traditional ways; getting matching tattoos and reassuring Ellen, but the silly season was to be their undoing.
I can only assume they gave each other the shits over something stupid like how long her parents were staying or where he’d left the sticky tape, and the next thing they knew Christmas was off, the rings were off, and someone owed Ellen an explanation.
Of course it’s possible that the Brand/Perry marriage, and the Kardashian marriage, and the Ashton/Demi one, and the Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz one, and the Zooey Deschanel one, the Koby Bryant one, J-Lo’s, X-tina’s, Eva’s and all of Charlie’s marriages have been complicated pressure-cookers of passion that a simple suburban warrior like myself could never understand.
All of those people are very beautiful, and yet I’m the one who’s been married since 1996. Non stop! Well apart from that time I packed him off to a flea-bag motel with his x-box and a carton of beer because he was being a shit about IVF. I stayed home and painted the front fence, meditating with every brush-stroke on all of the obstacles we had faced over our years together and the methods we’d stumbled upon to overcome them. Eventually we found a path through that situation too.
Of course I know that our relationship may one day cease to work for one or both of us. I get that it happens for real sometimes, but I also think that a lot of couples miss out on a lot of great times by walking away from relationships the first time they fall out of love. Someone told me once that marriage was two people in a constant cycle of falling in and out of love with each other and I have definitely found that to be true. There have been times when I’ve hated my husband with everything in me, there have been times when we’ve lived like flat-mates discussing phone bills and petrol fill-ups, and little else. But in between those times, have been some times that can only be shared between two people who know each other in a very raw and, actually, unattractive way. Great times.
I just think that life can really bond two people if they let it. The ugliest bits of life can forge the strongest bonds. Having someone see and accept the ugliest parts of me is the most profound experience of my life, for sure, but I had to take that chance, and let him see it all, and it was scary. It took years of trust building, years of ups and downs but it’s been worth it.
I feel sorry for people too beautiful to share their ugly.
Meshel Laurie is a comedian and broadcaster. You can catch up with her on Nova’s Drive Show with Tim Blackwell and Marty Sheargold 4-6pm on weekdays.
How do you make your relationships work? At what point, if any have you walked away?