In February, Nikki Phillips joined a long list of celebrities to announce they were expecting.
It was a joyful moment for the model, TV presenter and blogger who, after being diagnosed and treated for stage three cervical cancer in 2009, worried it might never happen for her and her jewellery designer husband, Dane Rumble.
“It’s no Beyonce post,” she joked on Instagram, “but our best adventure yet is on its way.”
‘Baby Phillips Rumble’ is due in early July, and while the excitement of his parents’ pregnancy announcement was palpable, it also masked a lot of heartache and worry going on behind the scenes.
In a blog post, Phillips has revealed it took two years of trying and three miscarriages before she finally fell pregnant with her little boy.
The 34-year-old, who is currently at 30 weeks, describes the surreal feeling of conceiving after reading countless “miracle stories” from women she admires for whom it seemingly happened at the “drop of a hat”:
“After two years of trying and three miscarriages, I thought it was never meant to happen for us and also couldn’t help think, ‘What is wrong with me?’
“But pregnancy is the hardest race of all and if miscarriages are so common, why does no one talk about it?”
This Glorious Mess: What do you say to someone who’s lost a baby? (Post continues…)
Phillips says she initially fell pregnant easily, giving her confidence her body wasn’t “broken”, but miscarried after just nine weeks.
“In and out of emergency, it was a frightening and alarming experience. But once we picked ourselves up, six months later [we] tried again,” she writes.
Unfortunately, after 12 weeks her heart was broken again when the baby’s heartbeat stopped. Her third miscarriage occurred at five weeks.
“It was the most emotional roller-coaster I have ever been on, from extreme highs to devastating lows.
“I was extremely open about my miscarriages with friends and family… even though statistics show one in five women miscarriage, you can’t help but feel like the only women going through it at the time.
After giving themselves some time to emotionally recover, Phillips and Rumble gave it another shot and late last year found out they had a baby on the way.
“On the 9th [of] November, we found out we were pregnant. Once you’ve had a miscarriage – that magic made-for-TV ‘we’re pregnant!’ moment is never the same.
“With nervous hearts and heads we were excited and thankful for the little spirit on board, but at the same time – you can’t help but wonder if s/he’ll ever make it to your arms.”
Having made it through the first trimester from hell, and now well on their way to living their dream of first-time parents, Phillips says she wanted to share her experience so other women – and men – know they’re not alone.
“There are so, so many of us – not just the women going through the physical loss, but the fathers and families who feel it too… Let’s stick together and talk about it.”
You can read Nikki’s post in full on her blog.