''Your Highness' (and 9 other nicknames I gave my ex after we split).'

For the most part, my ex and I get along well. That hasn’t always been the situation though. In the beginning there was conflict and when I’m conflicted I have a way with words. And, I’ve been known to throw around a few labels … nicknames to vent my less-than-fond feelings for my ex.

I’m happy to say we have figured out how to co-parent our kids. We manage vacation schedules without a lot of conflict. He pays child support without question, and I get a good alimony. All in all, I am very lucky and have nothing to complain about.

Still, we got divorced for a reason – we don’t always agree and are not always on the same page.

Over the years I have come up with 10 nicknames for my ex depending on what button he has managed to push. Only shared with my best friends, of course – he has no idea!

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Care to share any special “labels” you’ve used on your ex?

1. Pitbull

For when my ex is acting particularly aggressively, like when he insisted he should get the kids for both Christmas and Easter.

Image: Instagram.

2. Weasel

When my ex tries to get out of something he has promised to do, like taking the kids to an event or day out. Leaving me to pick up the pieces.

Image: iStock.

3. Cupcake

When my ex is a softie with the kids and says yes to something I've already said no to.


4. Caveman

When my ex's views are outdated - like when he didn't want our daughter to play football because it's a "boy's sport".

Image: iStock.

5. Jackass

When he refuses to change his mind even though he's wrong, and he knows it.

Image: iStock.

6. Cassanova

There was a time when my ex had new girlfriends every week, and brought them around the kids. This was among the nicer  nicknames I called him! Thankfully, this phase seems to have passed.

Heath Ledger in Cassanova. Image: Tumblr.


Mid-Life-Crisis Man. Created when he bought a red motorcycle to shuttle around his many girlfriends. He was smart enough not to let the kids ride on it, but still ... the very act of its purchase screamed mid-life crisis.

Image: Instagram.

8. His Highness

For when he acts all superior, especially when it comes to decisions about the kids. He can act very know-it-all about what schools are appropriate, what camps are worthy, and what gifts they should get for birthdays and Christmas.

King Henry VIII.

9. Asshat

This one I used often in the early stages of our divorce. The level of ignorance he displayed about what his responsibilities would be, after the divorce was final, was monumental. There was no more suitable label during those first few months.

10. Fucktard

He went through a stage that had me seriously concerned about him - and seriously pissed off. Concerned, because he turned into someone I didn't know. Pissed, because he was making bad choices that caused our children pain. That, my friends, is a fucktard!

This post originally appeared on Divorced Mums and was republished here with full permission.

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