I’ve been carrying around a sense of deep confusion for the entire week.

Yesterday I think a lady on the train smiled at me and all I could muster was a blank stare.

Why, why am I living in such a haze?

BECAUSE OF THIS EFFING SKIRT.

Wait - no - I'm not going to call it a skirt. This is not a skirt and it does not deserve such a title. This thing is a downright lie.

Universal conditions for being deemed a skirt:

1. Cover the secret, sexy lady place.
2. See above.

You see, I came across The Thing while trying to find a nice outfit for Saturday night. I had been scrolling and searching online for a bloody hour, past skin-coloured this and cut-out that, when I landed on Meshki Boutique.

Suddenly, the "Demelza Cage Mini Skirt" was staring me straight in my goddamn face.

And. It. Is. Everything. Wrong. With. Everything.

Get @nataliasiwiec.official's look with our Demleza Cage Mini Skirt | Style it with a mini skirt underneath | Also available in white at www.meshki.com.au

A photo posted by Meshki Boutique (@meshkiboutique) on Jul 17, 2016 at 3:07am PDT

You see, The Thing is supposed to be paired with "a bodysuit and nude pumps" to create a "statement outfit". IT EVEN COMES IN TWO COLOURS.

Firstly, it doesn't take a scientist to realise that The Thing is not a skirt - it has more holes than the Tromp's explanation for their strange family trip.

It also looks more like, um, a rolled-up wine rack than a piece of apparel that one should wear on their body.

Add in the fact that wearing this would be about as comfortable as squeezing your face into a shoe and BOOM, you have the world's worst "skirt".

You know what the worst thing is? While The Thing is taking up valuable rack space on shop floors and in warehouses, a poor, REAL skirt is crying actual skirt tears and maybe even dying.

I have not found anything to wear on Saturday night, and I'm holding The Thing fully responsible.

Please don't tell me this is the new "wireless headphones" of the skirt world - I'm just not ready.

I don't think I'll ever be ready.