*OBVIOUS SPOILER ALERT… BECAUSE IT’S PRETTY MUCH RIGHT THERE IN THE HEADING THAT THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS*
Potterheads. How are you feeling?
It’s been a big couple of days. Smashing through the Harry Potter and the Cursed Child script (which feels like it only takes about 20-minutes, compared to the novels) and then tracking down every online review, photo and scrap of information about the play itself. Well… that’s what I’ve been doing, anyway… ahem.
Reactions have been mixed. Some loved it, some hated it, some felt it was too much like fan-fiction, others felt it was the missing piece of the puzzle. (For the record, I am somewhere in the middle of all those opinions, flitting between them like a bowtruckle.)
Regardless, there’s a few things we have to talk about. Not just the obvious mind-blowing plot points, like the alternate universes (Ron and Padma? Whaaaaat…) or the fact Voldemort had a child. Or the emotional cavern between Harry and Albus, or that Harry is scared of pigeons (pigeon phobia is obviously the most important plot point in the entire play).
I'm talking about the other things. The little facts that are now messing with my mind. The things that me and my fellow Potter-fans have been messaging back and forth about. Let's discuss.
1. MOST IMPORTANTLY. Bellatrix got Voldemounted.
Guys. Voldemort had sex.
In case you missed it... Voldemort. Had. SEX.
My friend messaged me, 'Voldemort was probably a selfish lover'. (Insert that cry-laugh emoticon here). Seriously, picture it:
- Did he hiss dirty words to Bellatrix in Parseltongue?
- Did she the stroke his scaly skin? ("My Lord... My Lord...")
- Did he make puns about his giant snake?
- Did they cuddle-spoon afterwards, or did he awkwardly say "So... I'll call you..." and disappear into black smoke?
- Here's the best pun of all - Did Voldemort get his parsel tongued?