They’re not the same thing. Not at all.
OK, I admit it: for the last year or so, I thought I was doing “Netflix and Chill,” when all I was doing was queueing up endless episodes of “Caillou” so that I could take a sh*t and/or have a totally silent “Falling Down” moment at a sink of two-day-old dishes.
Turns out, I was actually doing “Netflix and Children,” which is a totally different thing. A totally different thing.
Netflix and Chill means you lure someone to your couch by coyly suggesting you watch a movie together and then you instead have sex. Or at least intentionally touch each other in a mutually pleasurable way.
I mean wow. WOW. Netflix and Children means basically the total f*cking opposite.
It’s about letting Peppa Pig, or those weird H20 Mako Mermaids, or the Ninjago Lego frat toys deal with this mess for 20 minutes (or half an hour, or FINE! THE WHOLE FIRST SEASON OF “LAB RATS”) so that I can get some work done, or take a shower, or lie on a pile of unfolded laundry and try to figure out how to put a flag on my Facebook profile picture for, like, an hour and a half. All while my kids are being lobotomized by something rated TV-Y, or TV-G, or *emergencies only* TV-14.