lifestyle

Coeliacs have officially gone off the deep end.

18,000 very pissed off celiacs have signed a petition on Change.org in an effort ban an ad that aired during yesterday’s Super Bowl.

Alright guys, it’s time to tone it down a notch.

Yesterday, during the Super Bowl, a very over-the-top ad aired for NASCAR. From what I can gather (you know, after watching one two-minute clip), NASCAR is a sport in which cars drive around a track, while the American equivalent of bogans drink beer and watch from the sidelines.

The ad celebrates NASCAR (and pokes massive fun at it’s trailer trash image in the process) as being the ultimate in Americana. There’s people drinking beer in inflatable pools. There’s people barbecuing ribs next to their trailers. There’s girls  in bikinis dancing next to shiny cars. There’s epic crashes. There’s power tools doing power tool things in workshops. There’s basically just two minutes of straight-up ridiculous stererotypical tough-as-nails American imagery. (Not to mention, the whole thing is narrated by Ron Swanson; one of the most defiantly proud ‘red, white and blue’ American characters on television.)

From a satirical point of view, it’s actually quite funny.  They also point out some positives, like the fact that NASCAR is the only major American sport in which men and women compete side-by-side. But for the most part, NASCAR is making fun of its perceived image, and as an ad, it mostly works.

But 18,000 people have thrown a collective tanty, and are so worried about the POOR LITTLE CHILDREN that they are calling for the ad to be banned.

Watch it here, and see if you can spot the one line that has upset so many viewers:

Did you get it? Ron Swanson says it in the first 30 seconds. When talking about how Americans have gone soft, and to need to toughen up and watch NASCAR, he says:

“If the founding fathers saw us huddled in our little cocoons, texting each other smiley faces, they’d hang their powdered wigs in shame. When our idea of danger is eating gluten, there’s trouble afoot. Yes, we the people have gotten soft, and all the ‘likes’ in the world aren’t gonna save us now. But one thing will.”

One line in that opening paragraph sent 18,000 people into an epic spiral of rage.

Do I even have to tell you it was the line about gluten?

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OF COURSE IT WAS THE LINE ABOUT GLUTEN.

Why are some coeliacs so freaking sensitive about people making jokes about people who refuse to eat gluten? Obviously – obviously – when we joke about annoying people who are precious and self-indulgent and refuse to eat gluten, we are talking about the people who do it as a fashion CHOICE. We aren’t talking about the people who have a serious and often times debilitating disease. We are talking about the people who decide not to eat bread for a month because it’s trendy.

WE ARE OBVIOUSLY MAKING FUN OF THE TRENDY BREADLESS PEOPLE.

So why do so many celiacs seem intent on being offended?

The petition at change.org is ridiculously over-the-top. Here’s the description:

NBC is running a Super Bowl ad that makes fun of those who are gluten-free. It implies that we’re soft…we’re weak…we’re part of America’s problem. When all we’re trying to do is manage our disease. Celiac can be a true pain. The media is not helping and this petition is get NBC to see the light of day.

I think about all of the gluten-free children getting bullied for being “different”, when all they want to do is feel better and fit in. I think about all of the people who have gotten sick at restaurants because the kitchen and/or the staff do not take us seriously. I think about all of those walking around undiagnosed and suffering because they only listen to what is in the media. I think about all of the people in the past who have died prematurely when going gluten-free MAY have been their saving grace.

Did they actually, seriously just pull out a ‘won’t somebody please think of the children’?

Really?

Well, you know what, crazy coeliacs? No. I won’t think of the children. BECAUSE THE JOKE OBVIOUSLY WASN’T ABOUT PEOPLE WITH COELIAC DISEASE.

I’m allergic to dairy. Admittedly, not nearly as serious as coeliac disease but a frustrating (and epic diarrhea-inducing) dietary problem all the same. And when I hear people make jokes about picky eaters and roll their eyes at food wankers who refuse to eat carbs or dairy or whatever other thing they’re currently avoiding, I don’t get offended. I don’t get offended, because I know the jokes aren’t aimed at me.

THE JOKES ARE OBVIOUSLY AIMED AT FOOD WANKERS.

So coeliacs, seriously, please, it’s time to calm the frig down with joke sensitivity. JUST LET SOMEONE MAKE A FUNNY WITHOUT LOSING YOUR DAMN MINDS.

I think I need to lie down.