Naked Attraction might be the most ridiculous reality dating show of all time.

Just when I was beginning to think I had seen it all when it came to reality TV, UK’s Channel Four went ahead and made a Brexit from wearing pants.

On Monday, July 25, Channel 4 premiered Naked Attraction, which is described as, “A daring new dating series that starts where some good dates might end – naked”.

Yes, seriously.

In each episode, host Anna Richardson and a fully clothed man and a women stand in front of six different coloured boxes showing the outline of a naked person.

The front of the box slowly raises to show the contestants legs and genitals, with their torso and head still hidden, but as people are eliminated, the front of the box raises until the end when the contestant’s face can be seen, and ‘true love’ is found.

Then, the final couple go on a (clothed) date.

The first dater up in the first episode is 32-year-old music producer Aina who says “When guys are fully-clothed they have different styles that sometimes they can hide behind. I’m interested in seeing them in their birthday suits, just as they are.”

And then BOOM, your screen is filled with six penises.

One contestant has an elephant tattooed around his penis which made it so that I completely didn’t notice he had a prosthetic leg.

Another has low hanging testicles which prompts Anna to say, “The bells hang lower than the rope.”

Pubic hair is discussed and a suitor is eliminated.

The wall is lifted higher and Aina (AND THE REST OF THE WORLD, THIS IS INSANE!) can see a bit more of her suitors.

Based on torso alone, Aina eliminates another guy.

If you’re worried about awkward moments, don’t.


The show fills those moments by having Anna share super fun educational facts and with explicit graphics.

Aina gets to see the faces of the final four contestants but she has to eliminate one more before she can actually hear them speak.

Based on that, she eliminates another.

When we get to the final two, the show takes on a literal ‘tit for tat’ mentality and Aina takes her clothes off as well.

Both guys seem to really like her but predictably she goes for the better endowed of the two, elephant dick and all.

Then they get dressed and go out on an actual date. And, surprisingly, they seem to actually like each other.

The second contestant, Mal, is bisexual, so she has three men and three women to choose from.

If you thought it was cringe-y with just the guys, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Anna and Mal find some… creative ways to discuss female genitals.

If you’ve ever wanted to hear the words “Nice neat vagina” on television, then this is the segment for you.

Mal rejects one woman for being “very Botticelli” and a guy for being “too intimidating”.

Eventually we’re looking at boobs and male torsos and hearing facts about the age of moles.

After narrowing the field to two women, Mal strips down as well.

She eventually decides one of them looks too much like her ex and walks off hand in hand with her date.

At the end of the show both couples said they’d definitely see each other again. Who knows, maybe this is the future of dating?

Nah, probably not.