couples

“Don’t judge me but… I don’t want my mum living with us.”

I love her. I just can’t stand her.

My mum had a medical scare last month. I would rather not go into all the details but it was a pretty scary time.

But now that she is healthy and back home, my sister has been on my case about getting my mum to move in with my family. And I really don’t want that.

A few years ago, my dad passed away. He was really young and it was completely unexpected. At the time, I talked to my mum about her living arrangements. She was only 65. So still really young.

She said she was fine living by herself. That she wanted her own life and not to worry. I was relieved, I didn’t want her to move in.

But my sister, who lives in another state, told me that we should convince our mum to rent out her place for extra income and move into my granny flat. She said she was just being her usual “don’t want to bother you” self and would get lonely. I refused and instead see her for lunch on the weekend and go to hers for dinner during the week with the whole family.

It’s not that I don’t love my mum. I do. I love her so so much. And she has been such a good mum. And a wonderful grandmother to our 4-year-old daughter.

But we only tend to get along when we spend limited amount of time together. The minute we are under the same roof over night, we start annoying each other. It’s always been that way. It’s different for my sister. Her and my mum get along every minute they are together (I am pretty sure my sister is my mum’s favourite).

"She has been such a good mum. And a wonderful grandmother."
ADVERTISEMENT

I know that if she moves in with me, it will be pure hell. Sure, she will be the wonderful generous person she is by cooking my family meals and helping with our daughter (and the thought of the help on both those is so appealing).

But at the same time I know that delicious meal will come with a lecture on how I should probably eat a little healthier (code for lose weight).

Or that I should give our daughter a sibling soon (code for you’re getting old).

Or say that I should rather wear those 'slimming' black pants she bought last Christmas (code for that outfit makes you look fat).

She doesn't mean anything bad when she says things like the above. She is just being a mum, trying to parent her 38-year-old daughter.

And I can nod and smile and ignore for a few hours. But not 24/7. Not when she is 68 (and hopefully going to be around for a long time).

But I feel terrible. I worry that she is lonely. I worry that something unexpected will happen, like it did to my dad, and she will be alone when it does.

I feel so incredibly guilty. But I really don’t think it will be good if she moves in.

Have you been in a similar situation? Do you have any advice for this reader?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email [email protected] with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

Want more? Try:

“Don’t judge me, but… I love bragging about my kids.”

“Don’t judge me but, I don’t want to have sex with my husband anymore.”

Follow iVillage on Facebook

When you become a parent, you don't leave your brain in the delivery suite. That's why mothers with kids of all ages come to themotherish.com; because they're still interested in news about entertainment, health, current affairs and food along with an inspiring and useful stream of parenting advice and support.

Most importantly, they come because they want to hear personal stories of parenting directly from other mothers, without fear of judgement.

[iv-signup-form]

FROM OUR NETWORK
00:00 / ???