We bet this is what your mornings look like…
Have you ever had one of those mornings where you have to dodge more kid land mines than you should have to in an entire day?
When all is said and done, there is smashed banana smeared on the carpet, pee-soaked underwear dangling from the bathroom tap, and toys “bad mummy” had to confiscate on top of the fridge. Echoes of temper tantrums reverberate in your head. You sit down slowly (careful to protect yourself from stray LEGOs), look around, and shake your head in disbelief that you survived.
Today, I had one of those mornings. Here’s how it all went down, in 50 steps.
1. Wake up at 4:00 a.m. due to my dog — a sh*t tzu with restless leg syndrome.
2. She jumps off the bed, runs down the hall, and licks my 4-year-old’s face. Why did I rescue this dog again?
3. Son stumbles down the hall and crawls under my covers. Little sh*t tzu takes a flying leap after him and misses. I have to reassure my son she doesn’t have a boo-boo.
4. Say “ssssshhhhh” at least 77 times.
5. Then it comes … wait for it … the obligatory ask for a glass of water. I am always prepared for it so I just have to reach over on the nightstand. Yes!
6. Feel proud of myself. Obviously, I have been mummying for awhile.
7. Maybe I should reward myself with a pair of boots?
8. Silently devise plan to order them once my little posse falls asleep again. I so deserve them.
9. My son asks random questions. I answer him and shush him.