food

A celebration of the week's best mum fails.

Perfect mothers.

If Facebook and Instagram are to be believed, they’re everywhere.

But there’s another kind of mum out there that we should celebrate. Mums who are perhaps not quite perfect. They’re the ones who pin interesting lunch box ideas to their boards knowing full well the chance of actually making said baked goods is slim to none.

They’re the mums who look the other way when they see their kids eating junk from between the car seats. The ones who forget the drink bottle more often than they remember it. The ones who are, how do I say, uh normal.

So to counteract the overwhelming amount of perfect mums out there making craft, baking healthy treats and providing educational stimuli to their kids,  I’m kicking us off with a celebration of ‘mum fails’ from the rest of us.

Not this week kids. Image: Facebook
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I put the call out on social media and it appears there might be quite a lot of us. Here are some of my favourite mum fails from the week. I'm not saying which ones are mine. 

“I fed the kids salmon for dinner at 5pm. My husband and I then went to eat our dinner around 7:30pm and realised that the fish was bad. I spent the night cuddling my poor food poisoned child as he vomited constantly all me” #mumfail

"I dropped my iphone on my daughter's head while I was breastfeeding her" #mumfail

“I taught my kids to call McDonald’s the ‘Chippy shop’ because it doesn’t sound as bad when I have to bribe them in public." #mumfail

“Our dryer broke and I wasn’t able to wash and dry all the laundry because it had been raining. I encouraged my son to wear the same pair of undies three days in a row because they passed the smell test and there were no obvious stains”. #mumfail

No evidence of these. Image: istock

“My son was complaining of a sore throat all morning but he had been running around screaming at his sister so I thought he was putting it on just so I didn’t send him to daycare. Turns out he had acute tonsillitis." #mumfail

"I just opened the door to the postman with a tit hanging out. I got interrupted mid feed by a two year old who had taken off his own nappy" #mumfail

"I have to clean the handprints off my TV because my two year old thinks that he can swipe it open. I think he has been using my phone too much". #mumfail

“My kids got headlice. I took them to get their hair shaved off and didn't say anything to the hairdresser.” #mumfail

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Who our favourite kid is and why (#mumfail?) Post continues after the video...

"My MIL asked me for the recipe for my home made veggie balls because my husband was raving about it. I've avoided her for the past few days hoping she forgets about it because I lied. I buy them in the wholefoods section of the supermarket". #mumfail

"My 21month old has mastered advanced gesturing on the iPad, he double taps to scroll between apps and everything. He chucks a tantrum when I put the parental lock on to keep him in a single app because he knows he can’t use all the functions." #mumfail

"When my son was crawling I’d create “Treasure Hunts” of nutrios across the floor to be able to concentrate on work for 20 minutes, and by treasure hunts I mean literally throwing pumpkin puffs on the floor for him to crawl around after" #mumfail

Jacqui playing the role of human pillow to 2 of 3 of her kids. Image: Supplied

“Porridge for dinner…eleven nights in a row.” #mumfail

“I spent an hour on the phone arguing with Centrelink about why they didn’t register my second child’s birth details. Then I realised that I never sent in the forms.” #mumfails

“I totally forgot about the Easter hat parade at kindy. I parked out the front and saw the other kids walking in with their home made hats. I folded over an expenditure report from work and drew some stars on it using lipstick and mascara that I had in my handbag. Then I held the back together using a bobby pin” #mumfail

"I took the kids to the gym creche with the intention of doing a body pump class. I ended up sitting in the cafe for an hour drinking coffee and playing on my phone" #mumfail

“I bought a cake for my daughters birthday and asked for it to be ‘not too professional’ because I wanted to pass it off as homemade” #mumfail

"I drink wine from a sippy cup because my toddler has no boundaries and uses me as a climbing frame. I’m a nurse and I got the tip from an alcoholic patient who frequents my emergency department.” #mumfail

"Can i borrow that when you're done?" Image: istock

"When my daughter was about 2 when we were shopping, she decided she wanted to stand in the trolley. She liked it when I would spin around in a circle... this day I thought I would go super fast and with the force she flew out of the trolley and hit the concrete” #mumfail

“I had a burst of energy and decided to wash all the kids sheets but at night when making up the beds couldn't find the strength to put the quilts in the quilt covers so just lay then one on top of each other. They have been that way for 3 days” #mumfail

“I was really busy with work yesterday afternoon and asked my kids not to get too dirty in the backyard because I didn't have time to give them a bath. So my daughter made a mud pit and my son jumped in it. I just hosed him down, put him over my shoulder and carried him inside.”

“I have completely given up on trying to talk my kids into putting on pyjamas at night. They just go to bed in their underpants.” #mumfail

"My husband went away for work for four nights. The kids ate a mixture of takeaway and two minute noodles and I had wine for dinner every night". #mumfail

“His head has been hit on so many different surfaces by me or himself it's amazing he still has any brain function.” #mumfail

“I tried making my kids a superfood puree using veggies and buttermilk. I thought it was packed full of great things. Both of them kept saying that they didn't like it. I even made them sit there are eat it all so they could have some desert. I didn’t know that the buttermilk was off.” #mumfail

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