What not to say to a mother of twins.

Having twins is like having a sign on your back that read’s “Come chat and ask me all the personal questions you can think of.”

Everyone wants to stop (and stare).

Like it wasn’t hard enough to get out the door in the first place, stopping to change four nappies (a bit too regular), take the right Thomas trains, grab the book with the picture of a doughnut, get the naked baby doll, not the fully dressed one, pack a bag of snacks for a small army, fill the water bottles, pack the nappy bag, shuffle them both to the car without one doing a runner, that I then get to the shops only to be stopped every few minutes by a complete stranger.

Don’t get me wrong. When I have the time I love a chat. But as a working mum, my time is limited, and my to do list is long. Sometimes I just want to get in and get out. You know what I mean.

Old ladies are the worst. I’ve been known to turnaround the trolley when I see an older lady in the aisle eyeing off a jar of mayonnaise. That’s a good five minutes I’ll never get back.

And then there are the questions. I don’t see anyone else getting asked these questions? Or maybe you are. The following is what I get asked in a normal conversation, and what I’d really like to say in reply.

Are they twins? Yes

One looks bigger than the other. I assure you they are twins. I gave birth to them.

They don’t look alike. Nope. But they are definitely twins.

So they’re identical? No. They’re a boy and a girl. And they don’t look alike.

Do twins run in your family? Are you asking me whether I fell pregnant with twins naturally or went through IVF?

I have a friend with twins. That’s good. Twins are pretty common these days.

Are you going to have any more kids? Just because I have twins does that mean I’m going to tell you whether or not I plan to have any more children? Are twins not enough for you?

You’ve got Double the Trouble there. Now we are starting with the puns. Great.

So I guess you had a cesarean? You really want to hear my birth story? Lets start with the ten weeks bed rest in hospital, the ‘natural’ premature birth, the hemorrhage, the 2 weeks they spent in NICU, the 3 more weeks they spent in hospital… nope didn’t think so.

So next time you see a mum with multiples, take a moment to assess the situation. Are the kids misbehaving, does the mum, look frazzled, tired, stressed? If the answer is a yes, a simple act of kindness is all that’s needed, be it a smile, a short distraction of playing with the kids, or going a little bit out of your way to make their day just a little easier.

Are you a mum of twins? What are you sick of hearing? 

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