The top 7 most mortifying teen moments.





Forget what they say about ‘the best years’ of your life, being a teenager is pretty much the worst. The WORST.

Periods, sloppy first kisses, complicated social politics – there is a veritable minefield of awkwardness to navigate. It’s a wonder anybody makes it through.

Here’e a rundown of some of the worst moments of a female’s teen years.

1. Periods:

Not only have you accepted the sad fact that you’re only at the beginning of about 40 straight years of monthly… cramping (although let’s just be honest and call it blood on your knickers), you’re also only just learning how to deal with the whole mess. It can creep up on you when you’re young and take you by complete surprise.

Nothing can describe that feeling of utter horror when you’re sitting in class and all of a sudden you feel… Well, you know the feeling. Allow Bert to demonstrate:

What do you do ? What’s your next move? You have to get to the bathroom but what if it’s on your skirt? And what if you don’t have any tampons? Will a bunch of toilet paper last until you get home? THE HORROR.

I have to wear WHAT?

2. The first time you realised you needed a bra:

You make this realisation as a direct result of two reasons:

a) a support issue (ie the bouncing gets too much)


b) an aesthetic isue (ie nothing fits right anymore and boys keep yelling out ‘NIPPLES’ or ‘BOOBS’ or ‘HEADLIGHTS’ every time you walk past.


Of course both these reasons will make themselves apparent during a P.E. class full of your peers.

3. The first time you make out/kiss is disgusting and traumatic:

Your tongue will be connecting with another person’s tongue. Neither of you understand how to connect tongues. There is no way it can end well. Kissing takes practice – which you will have plenty of – but that first time… Well, you’re going to end up with something like this:

4. Being shit at breaking up with people.

Yeah, no matter what way you swing it, asking your best friend to write a note for you that she then passes to his best friend who then reads it and passes it around before passing it to him is not the most sensitive way of ending things.

5. Not getting asked to the formal:

6. The tiniest things being the worst because EMOTIONS:

Got something stuck in your teeth? Mum bought you the Kmart version of that backpack? Skirt stuck in the back of your tights and you didn’t realise? YOUR LIFE IS OVER! BECAUSE EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND NOBODY ELSE UNDERSTANDS YOU AND YOU DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN!

7. ALL the sex stuff:

Wanting it. Not wanting it. Contraception and where/how to get it. Condoms. Being naked in front of someone. Not knowing what ‘blow job’ means (and a whole list of other bizarre-sounding activities). Freaking out that you’re pregnant every time you’re slightly bloated. We could keep going but you get the idea.

Are you sure it’s not a food baby?

 Got any mortifying moments to add?