Late in September, I was feeling odd. Couldn’t put my finger on it.
Not part of the “plan” but the news was met with feelings of “oh well, we can do this”.
We were happy. So we got on with things and began to enjoy the idea of a fourth baby. I began to feel all the symptoms of a regular pregnancy and we told some close friends and family. During weeks five and six I got some light spotting and bleeding.
I did NOT feel overly concerned though as I had bled in all three of my pregnancies before and gone on to have healthy baby’s. I headed to the hospital to get it checked out in week 7 as it was getting a bit heavier. After bloods showed great HCG levels, the doctor ordered an ultrasound for the next day.
"Much to our surprise I was most definitely 100% pregnant with baby number 4!" Image via iStock. [/img_caption]
So off we went to see our little bean on the screen. And yep, there it was. A smudgy little flicker. Heart rate 118bpm, measuring six weeks one day. Hubby was happy, there’s a heartbeat so all must be well.
But in the pit of my stomach I had a feeling. According to my dates I should have been 7 weeks 2 days. Over a week less just didn’t sit right with me. But I tried to put it out of my head as we were going away camping for a week. I was determined to enjoy some very rare family time.
I called EPAS (early preg assess unit) and arranged an appointment for two days after our camping trip. The week of camping went well. I was nauseated, tired, hungry, not hungry, clad in pimples and had little to no bleeding. Well maybe my feeling of dread was wrong. All these pregnancy symptoms, surely it’s ok.
This week marks the start of Never Forgotten: Mamamia's Pregnancy Loss Awareness Week.
Tuesday, nine weeks three days. I go to the EPAS feeling a bit annoyed I have to spend hours at a hospital when all they’re going to do is say everything’s ok.
The midwife takes my history, the registrar comes in to do the ultrasound. Right away I see he looks a bit baffled. He tells me there’s a heartbeat but he can’t see much else. "It’s a low resolution machine," he says.
I’m not convinced. He tells me I need another ultrasound with more accurate equipment. I ask the midwife, “Did you see his face? He thinks it’s not ok.” She assures me its for peace of mind. Hhhmmmm ok then. So it’s two more days of waiting for another scan. I keep busy with the kids and try not to think about the blood that’s changing colour, getting brighter.