By MELISSA WELLHAM
This is going to sound like the beginning of a bad stand up routine, but I’m going to say it anyway: men on public transport, am I right?!
I could just be going crazy, but I feel like men on public transport take up far more space than their actual physical mass means is necessary. It’s like every time I step on to a train, I’m entering some kind of weird space-time warp, whereby men double in size. And they continue to expand in magnitude as the train ride progresses, only returning from Behemoth to regular bro, once the journey has been completed.
Or in fact, it could just be because dudes are not always paying much attention to their surroundings, and have a tendency to sprawl. Or stand unnecessarily close to you, even when the train might be almost empty.
While I tuck my knees together, pull my elbows next to my body, and hug my backpack to my chest to make more room; some men seem comfortable with stretching their legs, spreading their knees, placing their briefcase in front of their feet (or worse, on the set next to them), and straight-up lounging as the train fills up with more people.
Guys like this:
And like this:
Oh, and like this, too:
This phenomenon has been explored by the photo blogs Men Taking Up Too Much Space On The Subway and Move The Fuck Over, Bro. Both have, unsurprisingly, drawn a fair amount of ire from the male public-transport-catchers of our species.
‘But men have longer legs!’ men cry. ‘Our arms are more awkward and ungainly!’ they exclaim. ‘We must spread our legs to give our testicles room to breathe!’ they plead.
As the creator of Move The Fuck Over, Bro responds: “Your balls are not that big.”
It doesn’t stop on public transport, either. The space hogging continues right out onto the streets. Getting off the train the walking through the Sydney CBD on my way to work, I have lost count of the number of times that I have become stuck behind men in business suits, walking four abreast as they talk shop, ambling down a busy thoroughfare.
I get it, dudes. You have important man-things to talk about. The four of you must walk side-by-side, as your egos would be hurt if one of you had to follow in the footsteps of the others. Your ability to assert macho dominance in the cruel politics of pavement power plays would be undermined.