‘Did you hear?’ said Dot at her church coffee morning, ‘The electric chair arrives on Thursday! It’s exactly what Ron needs. He hasn’t been the same since he had his hip done.’
Dot and Ron are my friend Caroline’s parents. In their mid-eighties, they’re determined to stay in their own home. The ‘electric chair’ is what Dot calls the seat that slides up and down alongside their stairs. Sure, Ron isn’t comfortable with the term, ‘electric chair,’ but Dot refuses to be corrected, and her excitement is infectious, her independence, admirable. Nothing her kids can do or say will convince her to move to somewhere with fewer stairs and more help.
Then there are my parents in law, both 81. They’re in the process of moving into a retirement village. It’s something of a wrench as they’ve been very happy in the unit they’ve lived in for the past 10 years, but they worry when the lift breaks down, and get anxious about what happens if one of them gets sick.
So the decision was made, by them, and the move is on. They’ve downsized twice before, so it’s not like they’re leaving a 50 year home, but there’s sadness in their generosity as they distribute precious crystal bowls, beloved books and well-worn kitchen appliances because they won’t have the space in their new home. Pop knows he he’ll have no need for a cordless drill. The village has someone to help hang pictures and unblock drains. Nan won’t be hosting Christmas dinner again and having their grandchildren to sleepover is probably a thing of the past. (Of course, they might be delighted at this. Am I being arrogant in assuming it was as fantastic for them as it was for us?)
My friend Laura’s family is Italian. When her mum can no longer live alone, she’ll move in with her. It’s not something Laura is looking forward to, but she says, ‘I can’t imagine sending mum to live with strangers.’
‘It’s not like that, I said defensively, thinking not only of my in-laws; also my own grandpa, who spent his last years in a retirement village.
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At 48 I find myself looking after my 86 yr old mother and my 2 very small grand daughters (22 & 5 months) so my 26 yr old daughter can get a break now and then. I also have 2 sons (19 & 24). So life is about juggling all four generations and their different needs. But I love it and feel honoured that I get to watch my mum get to interact with her great grandchildren. It is busy but wonderful.
that looks like a REALLY good sandwhich!