Listen up, sheeple. Tony Abbott’s chief business adviser wants to open your eyes to a global conspiracy.
While it is probably cold comfort to the people who had their houses washed away in a freak storm two weeks ago, here’s the thing: climate change is not real. The United Nations just made it all up. In fact, the planet isn’t warming at all, extreme weather events are actually declining and those assholes in at the UN aren’t interested in saving the world. They just want one thing…
At least that’s what Maurice Newman, aka Tony Abbott’s chief business advisor, thinks. You see, according to Newman, the whole global warming thing was just one big ol’ big hoax created by the UN to impose their authoritarian rule over us all and steal all of Australia’s wealth and power.
For a slightly more realistic perspective: The one where Waleed Aly slams Australia’s action on climate policy.
“This is not about facts or logic. It’s about a new world order under the control of the UN,” Newman wrote in The Australian today.
“It is opposed to capitalism and freedom and has made environmental catastrophism a household topic to achieve its objective.”
Newman penned the column to coincide with a visit from the head of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, Christiana Figueres, and in it argues that there is no basis for scientific modelling linking climate change and global warming (Welcome to Australia, Ms Figueres).
“It’s a well-kept secret, but 95 per cent of the climate models we are told prove the link between human CO2 emissions and catastrophic global warming have been found, after nearly two decades of temperature stasis, to be in error,” he writes.
“Why then, with such little evidence, does the UN insist the world spend hundreds of billions of dollars a year on futile climate change policies?
“The real agenda is concentrated political authority.”
Stand down, science. Stop hugging those trees, you filthy hippies. Everyone who had their houses destroyed by a natural disaster, just stop whining. It was the fucking UN all along.