real life

People have shared the one moment they realised they married the wrong person.

No matter how complex the reasons, there always seems to be one, defining moment that signifies the end of a relationship.

When you’re 16 and have been going out for two weeks, it can be a bad haircut or a questionable pair of shoes. But when your relationship is more mature, it can be quite an insightful moment that leads you to decide it’s time to move on.

In a recent Reddit thread, anonymous users shared the moment they realised they had married the wrong person. The result is a number of raw, honest stories about the importance of trusting your instincts, looking after yourself, and acknowledging when you’ve grown apart from someone you once loved.

Here are some of the replies:

A month in.

“A month after we were married, I found out she was going to a coworker’s house for some 1 on 1 time. The divorce papers filings lasted longer than the marriage did.”

When she loved herself more than me.

“Actually it took several years. When she told me she and her sisters, her parents, and the kids were taking a vacation. She told me I was not invited. I would never have considered taking a vacation without her. That is when I realised I loved her far more than she loved me.”

"I realised I loved her far more than she loved me."

The day I married him.

"He was late getting to the ceremony site, and I was so.. just.. .relived. Almost giddy. There had been doubts for months leading up to the ceremony, and when I tried to talk to my mother about my reservations she told me that I had to go through with it, because of how much money that had been spent. I was young, and still gave a shit about making other people happy."

When he abused me.

"Marriage lasted 3 years. I left when he broke my collarbone by throwing me against the wall."

When I wasn't excited.

"I was getting married and thought "Huh. I thought I'd be more excited. Maybe it'll come later."

Spoiler alert. It didn't."

When I realised he was neglecting our child.

"After cheating on me the second time, I realised he cared very little about my feelings or the relationship in general. I dealt with that, though, as we had a child and I could put the hurt away for the kid.

Finally left when I realised he had been neglecting our son while I was away at work (he was out of a job and had been for months). Quote from child that really made me decide to leave the ex- 'Mummy, can I always go to work with you? Daddy just sleeps and sometimes I get hungry and can't reach the bread.'

We did talk about this, and he always denied it. I tested the asshole the next day. Woke the ex up, told him I was leaving for work and he needed to wake up to be with our son (I went to work at 2:30pm almost every day.) I took the kid to work with me. Didn't hear from the ex until 8pm and that's only because I texted him and asked how our kid was. "He's fine. He is playing video games in the room." I informed him the child was with me. Good times."

"When he was neglecting our son." Image via iStock. 

When he was in love with someone else.

"When I caught him red handed trying to move his side chick into an apartment down town from our home. We had a joint phone account that I always paid online and I found her number in his phone (seemingly harmless at the time I had first seen it) and typed it into our texts sent and received.

She and him texted back and fourth in a matter of three weeks over 12,000 times. I proceeded to call her and tell her that he was my fiancé and she needed to back off when she sent me and email with a lease and love letter from him attached."

When I found out she wasn't who she said she was.

"During the father of the bride speech most of it was focused on how glad he was that she was no longer his problem and haha sucks to be the groom. We had lived together two years and I hadn't seen any bad behaviour but recognised I heard all differing versions of what her father said during speech...from her side where everyone else was to blame. Once the cat was out of the bag she immediately switched to crazy and manipulative and did countless things to ruin the marriage.

She told me she had a good job and house which she did but she was in foreclosure on house and about to be fired. She told me she was a kind religious person but I found out the religion was a mask to trick people into thinking she was decent and then asking them for help with money etc. She secretly told people around me I was abusive and a drug addict which are untruths but I was unaware of the rumors until years after and my reputation was harmed."

When he wouldn't help me.

"When I was pregnant with triplets and he wouldn't help me by finishing washing the dishes because he 'knew how I was and didn't want me to get lazy'. I was hospitalised due to stress contractions a couple of days later."

"When I was pregnant with triplets and he wouldn't help me by finishing washing the dishes because he 'knew how I was and didn't want me to get lazy'." Image via iStock

When he sold my engagement ring.

"The day before the wedding he pawned my engagement ring while I was in the pool. We didn't even need the money. My entire family had driven 9 hours to the wedding, they were already at the hotel. I knew then it wasn't right. Continued with the wedding, separated after 6 months and never saw or spoke to him again."

When he became violent.

"When he kicked my dog, I had a pretty good indication as to how things were going to play out. A week later, he punched me in the face. I didn't even bother packing my shit up, I just left."

When he wouldn't get help.

"About a year into it, when I realized he had mental health issues that he wouldn't get help for and our life plans were totally opposite from each other. He was a homebody, never wanted to go out unless he made the plans, but didn't want me going out on my own either. Never wanted to have sex. Didn't want to do anything together but always wanted me home with him.

I tried for another year before I told him it wasn't working. He admitted himself to a psych ward and got help. There's a happy ending though, we are best friends almost ten years later, he's "uncle" to my kids and visits us about every other week and has for the most part figured himself out."

These anecdotes, of course, support the fact that a marriage ending is by no means a sign of failure. To the contrary, it can be the best thing you ever do for you and your family - even if in the moment, it's incredibly painful.