We are weary.
We have no doubt that real, actual, legally binding marriages, have begun and ended in the time this season has been on television.
We both sort of have headaches and feel like it’s not not the fault of Married at First Sight.
But none of that matters.
Listen to Clare Stephens and Kelly Glover recap the finale of Married at First Sight. Post continues after audio.
Because tonight there’s a goddamn reunion and Scarlett isn’t attending because she maybe definitely got chased by a producer after the dinner party last night and we know because police got involved and we read about it in a very trustworthy magazine that also said Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with triplets. Obviously.
But we would still very much like the experts to EXPLAIN WHERE SCARLETT IS PLS.
They mention that she’s decided not to come and that it has something to do with the fight she had with Cheryl. The one where they just yelled “DARLIN'” and “SWEETIE” a lot and then a producer stole Scarlett’s purse which was uncalled for.
So it becomes clear pretty early on that this episode will take the form of just… more formalised flash backs.
The experts talk to each couple individually, but mostly they just watch footage that not only have we already seen, but these people were literally present for. Jesus f*cking Christ.
The experts begin by awkwardly asking, "Sharon, how do you feel?" "But Simon... how do you feel?" and we want to die.