If you tuned into last night’s episode of Married At First Sight, you’re probably concerned.
You see, the couples seemed to get along well. Almost… too well.
If these people actually LIKE each other we’re in for a pretty boring season. So brace yourselves: we’re about to meet the people matched purely for entertainment purposes.
Aaaand hello, Jess.
Straight away, Jess is a legend. The first words we hear her say are: “If a guy’s being an idiot, you need to be able to say, you know what, shut up, you’re being an idiot.”
Of course, this is the producer’s way of painting Jess as the overbearing, high-maintenance, way-too-confident woman, whose downfall is her sense of humour and having too much personality.
In the next scene she's loudly singing, "What's loooove got to do, got to do with ittt" in her car, while taking selfies.
SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN OUT OF THIS FAKE MARRIAGE AND INTO OUR LIVES.
She laments the shitty nature of the dating world, saying, “The people you meet are so far from what you envisioned for yourself.” Bae, you’re preaching to the converted.
Then, she recounts how she dated a guy who peeled his skin like a snake. Girl, our friend slept with a dude who's unwashed bed was surrounded by used condoms. It is DIRE out there.