Married At First Sight Ep 2: morning after sex, the most awkward ceremony yet, and more...

The first episode of Married At First Sight had 1.5 million viewers, with an additional 400,000 watching the encore.

Due to various questions about the ethics of two people committing to each other at first sight (Note: It’s not an actual ‘marriage’ at first sight, due to Australian marriage laws – it’s a commitment ceremony), I was determined to dislike it.

But dammit, it has sucked me in with the second episode.

It’s okay though, because three of Australia’s leading relationship experts set these couples up from a mix of science, psychology and a touch-screen computer. It’s not some crappy reality television program. IT’S SCIENCE.

Missed last week? The 6 most awkward moments from Married at First Sight. 

Here’s the top five moments from tonight’s fake marriages.

1. The mornings after the first two weddings.

Two couples were ‘married’ last week. Clare, 37, and Lachlan, 36, were off to an awkward start. But it looks like things got wedding-night dirty. The two contradicted each other to the camera, eventually sort of admitting to some rumpy-pumpy.

Clare and Lachlan. Apparently did it.

“I can’t remember what happened last night. We were… so tired…” said Clare, while Lachlan mumbled “A gentleman never talks”. (Probably meant ‘never tells’, because gentlemen are, in fact, allowed to talk).

Clare: “We had a glass of wine (cut to shot of SMASHED WINE GLASS next to the bed… Channel Nine obvi wants us to believe that they got up to some weird earthquake-y, high-pitched sex that smashed all the surrounding glass), some conversation, and we were so tired, we just sort of… passed out….


Lachlan: “We slept together.” BOOM. Sex bomb. It is unclear whether he meant literally slept next to each other, but Clare’s reaction “Shhhh! Don’t tell them that!” was the kind of telling reaction that producers froth over.

So yep… probably had sex. Voyeuristic high-five.

For social media reactions to tonight’s episode see below:


Wine glass. Obviously sex happened nearby.

The other newlyweds Roni and Michael definitely didn’t do it, according to Michael. “We did not do as the tradition would suggest… we decided to go our separate ways last night and have our own room, and wait ’til we got to know each other before we worried about sharing a bed.” Cute giggles. Quick eye contact. Awkward sips of coffee.

So… did not have sex. Do seem to like each other.

Michael and Roni and coffee.

2. Meeting the new couples.

Zoe, 25, is a digital marketing executive who was adopted as a five-year-old with her twin brother from an Ehtiopian orphanage. As far as reality TV back-stories go, she wins. “I’ve never believed that a man will complete me, I’ve always believed that a man will complement me.” Looks like a mini-Beyonce.

Cut to Alex, 29, who is a motivated plumber (with his own company) and a messy dude. Admitted that his mother does his laundry. He seemed fun. At one point, he laughed at his toast. Has an eyebrow-ring, which may displease Zoe and her ‘no bogans’ rule.

Why one of the Married at First Sight contestants would never go on the Bachelor.

Match made.

Michelle, 34, communications manager. Is sweet and bubbly. Wants someone committed. Her mother gave her a ‘no one 2 years younger than you’ rule. Hopefully the pyschologists heard.


James, 36. Is a sign writer. Committed to writing signs, and starting a family. Dramatic psychologists confirm that the brain likes surprises, and this couple may be TOO suited. Gasp. What a dilemma.


3. The AMAZING wedding and an adorable couple.

It’s a beautiful day in Sydney, and Michelle and James get married with a view of the bay. Already off to a good start. James told the camera he was “very nervous. Trying not to throw up.” while all the producers prayed to their ratings God, PLEASE MAKE HIM THROW UP ON AIR.


Both weddings. Post continues after gallery.


The look on his face as he saw his bride for the first time was genuinely moving (well played, producers). The moment was somewhat ruined when the bride reached the groom and said, “Hey… I’m Michelle”. He quickly reassured her nerves with, “You look amazing”.

I think I love James.

James got cute and tongue-tied when the minister asked him to directly repeat the vows. Instead, he pulled a tiny script out of his pocket. Michelle leaned over and helped him find his place. THE CHEMISTRY, OH THE CHEMISTRY.

Michelle helps James with his vows.


The chemistry bubbled through their wedding photo shoot, with lots of lovey-dovey kisses and cuddles. Meanwhile, I was also falling in love with James. The happy couple sneaked away during their wedding reception to have a few kisses (thanks for wearing microphones, guys).



4. The AWKWARD wedding.

Zoe and Alex get married at a little chapel in Melbourne, on a horribly windy day (classic Melbs). Alex looked so nervous standing at the altar that he almost bit a hole through his lip. The doors opened, he turned around with a big smile on his face…

Commercial break. Bastards.

Alex smiles so big.

And again. The doors opened, the groom turned around… and the smile on his face was so big, his lips may’ve actually flown off his face and gone into orbit.

But Zoe could not make eye contact with the groom. Or the minister. Or her flowers. Zoe looked progressively more awkward and disappointed. Alex looked progressively more stressed and light-headed. He said ‘I do’ to the side of her head, as she looked out the window. She said ‘I do’, reluctantly and surprisingly.

Zoe struggles to make eye contact.

Zoe fired questions in the limo ride to the reception. Age, occupation, family. An awkward, stab-me-in-the-eye-to-make-me-feel-less-uncomfortable kind of reception ensues, where the bride will not look at the groom. But then…

Just as I had written off Zoe as annoying princess, she made an emotional speech about the journey from the Ethiopian orphanage to here, and how lucky she is. “I am who I am, because of everything that I lost.” Dammit, reality television. The back stories always get me.

Their reception only got better from there (good work, editing department). When Alex went to remove Zoe’s garter, she joked that she had a surprise penis. Now THAT would be entertaining.



5. The wedding nights and honeymoons

Producers made sure that we saw there was some undies on the ground. It appeared that Michelle and James woke up in the nude in the same bed, and Michelle “did not get much sleep last night”. BOOM. Sex bomb.

James’ blue briefs. Scandal.

For Zoe and Alex, “there was no mad, passionate love last night”. Although it looked like they shared a bed.

And then all the couples were off on honeymoons. An “important part of the experiment” according to the experts.

Zoe and Alex were sweet and awkward, with at least one dramatic kiss. Michelle and James were absolutely smitten, with at least a million dramatic kisses.

And for last week’s couples, Roni admitted to Michael that she has been married before (happy honeymoon, sweetheart!). Didn’t seem to be a big issue… yet.

Clare and Lachlan held hands in front of a fireplace and gazed into each others’ eyes. Lachlan opened up to Clare about the recent loss of his father, and they had some nice moments. Probably broke more wine glasses with newlywed sex.


6. The Psychologists.

Quick shout out to the team of ‘relationship psychologists’, because every time we cut to them, they are walking in-step with each other to dramatic music. They must have practiced. It also must be hard for them to enter a narrow doorway, or a quiet library. But it’s okay, because they support their dramatic entrances with heavy phrases like ‘neuro-psychological assessment’ and ‘crucial decisions’ and ‘social experiment’.


Number of times the words ‘social experiment’ were used: 7

Number of couples who are now ‘married’: 4

Number of couples who seems to be sleeping together: 3

Awkward giggles: 12,000.

Number of Mamamia writers now wanting to marry James if he and Michelle don’t work out: Me.

Best quote:

Zoe: (Upon reaching her groom at the end of the aisle) “…Whassup?”

 Were you watching? Did you have a favourite awkward moment?