The first episode of Married At First Sight had 1.5 million viewers, with an additional 400,000 watching the encore.

Due to various questions about the ethics of two people committing to each other at first sight (Note: It’s not an actual ‘marriage’ at first sight, due to Australian marriage laws – it’s a commitment ceremony), I was determined to dislike it.

But dammit, it has sucked me in with the second episode.

It’s okay though, because three of Australia’s leading relationship experts set these couples up from a mix of science, psychology and a touch-screen computer. It’s not some crappy reality television program. IT’S SCIENCE.

Missed last week? The 6 most awkward moments from Married at First Sight. 

Here’s the top five moments from tonight’s fake marriages.

1. The mornings after  the first two weddings.

Two couples were ‘married’ last week. Clare, 37, and Lachlan, 36, were off to an awkward start. But it looks like things got wedding-night dirty. The two contradicted each other to the camera, eventually sort of admitting to some rumpy-pumpy.

Clare and Lachlan. Apparently did it.

“I can’t remember what happened last night. We were… so tired…” said Clare, while Lachlan mumbled “A gentleman never talks”. (Probably meant ‘never tells’, because gentlemen are, in fact, allowed to talk).

Clare: “We had a glass of wine (cut to shot of SMASHED WINE GLASS next to the bed… Channel Nine obvi wants us to believe that they got up to some weird earthquake-y, high-pitched sex that smashed all the surrounding glass), some conversation, and we were so tired, we just sort of… passed out….

Lachlan: “We slept together.” BOOM. Sex bomb. It is unclear whether he meant literally slept next to each other, but Clare’s reaction “Shhhh! Don’t tell them that!” was the kind of telling reaction that producers froth over.

So yep… probably had sex. Voyeuristic high-five.

For social media reactions to tonight’s episode see below:

Wine glass. Obviously sex happened nearby.

The other newlyweds Roni and Michael definitely didn’t do it, according to Michael. “We did not do as the tradition would suggest… we decided to go our separate ways last night and have our own room, and wait ’til we got to know each other before we worried about sharing a bed.” Cute giggles. Quick eye contact. Awkward sips of coffee.

So… did not have sex. Do seem to like each other.

Michael and Roni and coffee.

2. Meeting the new couples.

Zoe, 25, is a digital marketing executive who was adopted as a five-year-old with her twin brother from an Ehtiopian orphanage. As far as reality TV back-stories go, she wins. “I’ve never believed that a man will complete me, I’ve always believed that a man will complement me.” Looks like a mini-Beyonce.

Cut to Alex, 29, who is a motivated plumber (with his own company) and a messy dude. Admitted that his mother does his laundry. He seemed fun. At one point, he laughed at his toast. Has an eyebrow-ring, which may displease Zoe and her ‘no bogans’ rule.

Why one of the Married at First Sight contestants would never go on the Bachelor.

Match made.

Michelle, 34, communications manager. Is sweet and bubbly. Wants someone committed. Her mother gave her a ‘no one 2 years younger than you’ rule. Hopefully the pyschologists heard.

James, 36. Is a sign writer. Committed to writing signs, and starting a family. Dramatic psychologists confirm that the brain likes surprises, and this couple may be TOO suited. Gasp. What a dilemma.

3. The AMAZING wedding and an adorable couple.

It’s a beautiful day in Sydney, and Michelle and James get married with a view of the bay. Already off to a good start. James told the camera he was “very nervous. Trying not to throw up.” while all the producers prayed to their ratings God, PLEASE MAKE HIM THROW UP ON AIR.

Both weddings. Post continues after gallery.

The view from Michelle and James' wedding.

James is already smitten.

Michelle and James' wedding.

James meets Michelle's Dad.

Michelle and James' wedding.

Michelle's parents do some relief giggling.

Michelle and James making out. Again.

Zoe and Alex's wedding.

Zoe walks down the aisle.

One of Zoe's wedding guests blending in.

Zoe and Alex's wedding table.

Zoe makes an emotional speech

Zoe pretends she has a hidden penis. Classic.

Michelle and James after their wedding.

Psychologist pyschologisting.

SCIENCE.

The pyschologists walking in-step. Again. And again.

The look on his face as he saw his bride for the first time was genuinely moving (well played, producers). The moment was somewhat ruined when the bride reached the groom and said, “Hey… I’m Michelle”. He quickly reassured her nerves with, “You look amazing”.

I think I love James.

James got cute and tongue-tied when the minister asked him to directly repeat the vows. Instead, he pulled a tiny script out of his pocket. Michelle leaned over and helped him find his place. THE CHEMISTRY, OH THE CHEMISTRY.