I bet you think things are going pretty great in your relationship, don’t you? You’re feeling a bit smug about the holiday you just booked, he/she remembered your birthday and you even managed to have the sex once last week.
Well, WAKE UP DUMMY. Your relationship is bullshit and you should probably just end it now.
Yes, due to the unstoppable tsunami of personal growth assistance requests you have been making of your partner, your relationship is gasping for air. Air you are selfishly using to fan the sails of your narcissistic and endless voyages of self discovery.
How very dare you. I can’t even look at you right now.
US psychologist Eli Finkel (who’s the director of Psychology at North Western University, thank you for asking), claims that high divorce rates and low marital satisfaction are a direct result of partners’ inability to meet psychological expectations.
He has called this the “suffocation model of marriage” and says the majority of us are guilty of it.
Basically, back in the day, you married someone who helped you meet your basic needs. All you needed was a roof over your head, food on the table and some occasional naked time and that was enough. Now, we are looking to our partners to help us find ourselves. We want a deep psychological connection and assistance in pursuing our dream careers and recognition of our core selves.
What a bunch of wankers we’ve become! Can you imagine what would have happened back in the 1800s if we carried on in this fashion?
“What’s for dinner, Mary?” (I went with Mary as that seems like a Ye Olde name. I did briefly consider Gertrude but felt that would be trying a bit too hard.)
“Ben, I am more than just a cook. I want you to be able to see my food as an extension of me. I feel as though you just eat my meals and don’t appreciate that they comes from a place of love. They are not just for your physical nourishment, but your spiritual appetite as well.”
*Ben runs off to find a priest and set up the pile of wood he will be needing late to burn Mary on. She is clearly, a witch.*
Finkel says: “In 2014, you are really hoping that your partner can help you on a voyage of discovery and personal growth, but your partner cannot do that unless he or she really knows who you are, and really understands your core essence. That requires much greater investment of time and psychological resources,” he said.