One woman’s account of how to keep a relationship alive when you have children.
We both knew using the hubby’s old skateboard as a makeshift security system was a risk, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“What if one of the kids opens the door and instead of the skateboard falling down the stairs, it falls forward and strikes them?”
“If The Beast were to open the door this might happen, but if one of the girls opens it, they might have the reflexes to jump back before the board got too close to them.”
“What if Devo tries to open the door?”
“Are you kidding me? That kid needs a skateboard to the shin with the way he’s been talking to us.”
“We good with this then?”
“Errrrr…I don’t know, it’s kind of risky. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“Okay, I’ll position the skateboard so that it can only fall down the stairs if the door is opened.”
“Okay, but we have to hurry.”
“Not a problem.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Just go rig the door!”
On the other hand, now that I think of it, the thought of one of them walking in on us with our pants down to our ankles would’ve been ten times more traumatic than a skateboard to the shin.
Last night the hubby and I resorted to having sex in our disgusting unfinished basement right next to the litter boxes where our 3, count’em, 3 cats take care of their business. What can I say? Seeing me bend over to scoop up cat shit is what my hubby yearns for after a long strenuous work day. Needless to say, placing his old skateboard upright against the basement door was the only way we could make sure there was enough time for us to pull up our pants without either of us getting caught or in our case, hurt. I can’t tell you how close I’ve been to breaking the hubby’s precious joy stick due to me jumping to my feet at the sound of a child on the other side of our bedroom door. In my defense, it hasn't always been my fault. The constant jangling of a bedroom doorknob puts me on a bit of an edge.
This is how desperate we’ve become in our efforts to keep our sex life alive and thriving.
Since having kids, sex for me and the hubby has turned into somewhat of a never-ending quest. A quest for time as we both work full-time jobs; a quest for energy as we both work full-time jobs and have 4 children; a quest for privacy as we have 4 children, 3 cats and a lock on our bedroom door that can easily be opened with any coin of choice; and finally, a quest for some good ole fashion spontaneity.