Men, put your penises down. Yes, pack it right up and put it away. The competition is over.
The man with the largest penis has been named and unless you’re called Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, then I’m sorry but you are not the owner of the longest schlong on the planet.
Cabrera’s member stands at 48 cm long, a dong so long the 55 year old is officially recognised as “disabled”.
GALLERY: We’ve disguised the penis in the first photo in case you value your eye sight. Click through to see the man’s member in all its sock-covered glory….
He claims his trouser snake is so big it’s impossible to walk. Working is even harder. It’s safe to assume sex is also off the table.
At least he has the world title to keep him warm at night.
But such victories do not come easy.
You see, his arch rival in penis size, New Yorker Jonah Falcon, has accused him of cheating.
Yes, the loser of the world’s biggest penis competition has accused the winner of cheating. What a surprise.
Falcon claims Cabrera got to his big size from using weights to stretch his foreskin and his pecker is “normal underneath”.
“His penis isn’t 19 inches. Doctors have acknowledged this and said he could have a normal sex life if he is essentially circumcised,” he told The Sun.
Cabrera has reportedly had several offers to have his penis surgically reduced for his health, but has refused them all.
“We have advised him ‘Mr Roberto, the best thing for you is that the doctors give a normal shape to your penis so that it doesn’t hurt you, in order to have sexual relationships, in order to have children,” Dr Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez told the paper.
“But he doesn’t accept it, he’d rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people.”
Cabrera says he is “happy with his penis”.
Listen: Why you shouldn’t use soap down there. (Post continues after audio…)
“I know nobody has the size I have. I would like to be in the Guinness Book of Records but they don’t recognise this record,” he said.
Falcon was previously the holder of the biggest penis at 34 cm, before Cabrera stole his glory in 2015.
“I think it’s ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate,” he said of his rival’s alleged cheating.
Honestly, the same thing could be said of the whole situation. Here’s hoping the UN resolves the very important conflict ASAP.