ASK CHANTELLE: I'm a straight woman and my boyfriend wants to try male anal play. Help!

Mamamia's Ask Chantelle series is a pervy Q&A session with Psycho-Sexologist Chantelle Otten. Think about all the sex questions you've wanted answers for, but have been too shy to ask. Nothing is too embarrassing, kinky or wild for Chantelle. Honestly, we've all probably wondered the same thing too. This week, one woman wants to know all about anal sex. And, if you have a sex question you want answered, email

I am straight woman and my boyfriend has expressed an interest in male anal play. I'm open minded about it but have no idea where to start or what to expect?

Chantelle says:

Thanks so much for your question! Just a little caveat: as this question is about heterosexual men, I am going to be specific to them when I give my answer about anal play. 

Watch: How to give a good blowjob. Post continues below.

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Now, this type of play has been on the rise and is affectionately named BOB (bend over boyfriend). The anus and prostate are able to be stimulated during BOB play. Prostate massages may also help improve erectile dysfunction (ED), urine flow, painful ejaculation and may prevent prostatitis… But we will cover prostate massages in another article. For now, starting with the basics.

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So! It's men's health week, and I wanted to celebrate by doing a giveaway with @lovehoneyau . I have an 'Ignite; vibrating prostate massager to give away. So let me school you on why you want to win this toy! It is for those who have a prostate, and not everyone has a prostate! Only cisgender men and people assigned male at birth have them, but to be honest, I believe everyone can benefit from this toy, it just sends goooood vibes up the backdoor. The prostate, or P-spot, as it’s often called, is a small muscular gland that produces the seminal fluid found in ejaculation fluid. The prostate helps propel semen from the penis. The p-spot is also surrounded by nerve endings that can feel oh-so-good when touched just right. The prostate is in the back door (use water based lubricant for comfort). P-spot orgasms are said to feel similar to penile orgasms, only way more intense and felt through the entire body. There are reports of people having super orgasms, which are a stream of fast, continuous orgasms that cause the body to shudder. Not everyone ejaculates during a prostate orgasm, but some release a dribble of milky fluid from the urethra. So... do yourself or a boo a favour and enter the draw! 😘To enter this comp, follow me and @lovehoneyau and tag 2 friends to also enter. You must be following both of us and have tagged 2 friends to be eligible! xx draw on 30th of June

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When we are talking about BOB, a lot of people think about the woman using a strap on and making backdoor love to her partner. This is great! But I would recommend you start slow. Go back and read my previous article on anal play and we will run through what to start with here. 

  1. Make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page. Ask him what he would like and what he expects. 
  2. Start with him on his stomach, and begin playing around the anus with lubed up fingers or with your tongue (ask him to shower beforehand). You can trace around the anal opening or lick it like an icecream, then swirl around and around with your tongue, tracing an ‘O’ around his anus (flavoured lube is great for this part).
  3. Let him know you are going to slide a finger in (lubed of course), and if he consents then slowly slide it in, and ask him to “drop” his body. We want him to relax and enjoy. 
  4. When in, you can play in a few different ways. Firstly, I would maintain a slow pace unless he asks you to go faster. I think it's better to move your fingers up and down rather than in and out, but everyone has their own way, style and pleasure. 
  5. If you want to try a strap on… woohoo! Let’s add to your toy kit. I would suggest getting a harness that has adjustable straps, and that you can change over the dildo in it to different sizes or to a vibrating dildo. You can also get amazing dildos that attach to the female body by having an internal g-spot vibrator that holds the dildo to the women's body, with a dildo that goes into the man's body. When you are trying these, take it slow. Make love slowly before you get wild. It requires heaps of lube and constant check-ins. But I believe you will both love it and will feel empowered.

Male anal sex expands your repertoire immensely, and BOB allows for deep potential for erotic growth and spicy hot sex!

Chantelle Otten is Australia’s leading Psycho-Sexologist who is passionate about empowering people to feel great about their sexual health, self-esteem, communication and education. With a background in scientific research, sexual medicine, and counselling, she believes that sexuality and self-esteem are an integral part of life, which everyone is entitled to. Good sexual health should always be enjoyable, pain free and without prejudice.

Chantelle is the director of the Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine, where she and her team of sexologists work to positively change the sexual lives of the Australian’s, also using her social media to spread sexual empowerment to all.