This is why your wife doesn’t want to be touched in bed tonight…
Because today she spent about an hour arguing with the toddler how she gave him the EXACT cup he asked for, and she never promised nor do they even own a Santa cup.
Because she was vomited on after completing her weekly hair wash.
Because she was touched excessively by young people who have seriously sticky fingers. Even her eyeballs were touched today.
Because while she was thrilled to go and do a poo from her morning coffee, her children came in and tried to see what was in the toilet bowl and throw their toys down there.
Because her paperwork that she needed was drawn all over.
Because she wiped snot with her sleeve and held a teething baby while rocking and humming a jumbled version of ‘rock-a-bye baby’ because she can’t remember it. Her brain is fried.
Because she woke up early and she worked today, and caught a train with a guy who smeared his armpit juice in her face… and her boss rode her arse, and not in the way you were hoping you would tonight.