Magpie swooping is terrifying. If you have ever gone cycling in Brisbane, then you know exactly what we are talking about.
The bird, who precisely no one likes yet somehow received the award for Australia’s Bird of the Year in 2017, likes to individually target us and it is not okay.
Magpies swoop because they are being protective parents and view us as a threat to their young, BUT WE AREN’T COMING FOR YOUR NEST PLS.
Perhaps most frighteningly, magpies know your face and know where you live.
Dr Darryl Jones from Griffith University says “[magpies] know everyone, they watch kids grow up. When they decide to start treating that person as a threat, they know where they live. They can victimise someone easily.”
So, it is obviously of national importance that we inform you of what suburbs are most at risk, so that you can STAY THE EFF AWAY.
Thanks to Magpie Alert, a very important site which records reports of magpie swooping, the suburbs which are most at danger have been revealed, so...be warned.
Brisbane is notorious for their devil-ish magpies.
The suburbs with the highest number of Magpie swooping reports include: South Brisbane, Dutton Park, Greenslopes, Kelvin Grove, Ascot, Cannon Hill, Tingalpa, Gaythorne and Carseldine.
Oh, and a majority of these incidents in Brisbane happened to cyclists. One woman even shared that she suffered an ear injury after a Magpie chased her "for a rather long distance".
Sydney's suburbs that had higher rates of reports include Alexandria, Peakhurst, Glebe and Darlinghurst.
Magpie-related injuries occurred in Nollamara, Thornlie, Wanneroo, Woodvale and Kingsley in Perth.
Adelaide seems to be comparatively more safe, but we shall still be avoiding the suburbs of North Adelaide and Glengowrie.
Attacks have happened in Melbourne in Elwood, Reservoir, Carlton and Alphington.
Hobart has no reported incidents of magpie-attacks and thus we should all move to the underrated state of Tasmania.
May the Magpie Gods forever be in your favour, and you never be swooped again.