We’ve just been… bamboozled.
Tracey has played us all like a well-tuned fiddle, making us believe she was in love with Visionz and then breaking his lil’ rapping heart on national TV.
(Not through rap form unfortunately).
We never saw this coming… or did we?
Has Tracey been playing the long game this whole time? Has she planning this all along? Is she secretly Dean’s biggest rap rival and was this her attempt to take him down from the inside?
Is this 8 Mile? Is she really Eminem? Does that make Dean Micah Pfeiffer? We suspect so.
Clare and Jessie Stephens debrief on Tracey’s EPIC dumping of Deano. Post continues after audio.
HOLY SHIT, this is a rapping inception.
Anyhoo, here are all the signs Tracey has been plotting this whole damn thing from the beginning:
1. When Dean said he wanted to leave in the first commitment ceremony, she stayed with him even though he humiliated her on national TV. She then built a secret lair and began plotting her revenge.
2. When Dean announced he almost left her for Davina, she still gave him another chance, later admitting she wanted him to “face the consequences” of his actions. This is when she bought the cork boards and started piecing her plan together with red string.
3. When Dean started skateboarding in front of her, she did not trip him and then catch an Uber out of there. She did her best to pretend that it was completely normal that a 39-year-old was doin’ a skateboard… and took some photos for her secret lair plotting cork boards.
4. When Dean become Visionz, she did not laugh and run away. She joined in and did her own rap… that was suspiciously about making him pay for the whole Davina thing.
5. While on Dean’s home visit she made him tell his family and friends what he had done and watched silently as his brother and sister judged him/probably kick him out of their sibling hip hop collective.
6. Then she took Dean on her home visit and got both her mothers to interrogate him while she sat back sticking pins into the tiny Dean voodoo doll she made with the hair she found in his drain.
7. Then there was more rapping so she could keep up the ruse.
8. When Charlene confronted Dean about the BOIZ night, she still stayed with him. Only whispering to Charlene off camera, “Ssssshhhh, you’re going to ruin my big reveal. Mum’s spaghetti… hip… hop… hip to the hoppity”.
9. Then they went on their final date on a boat (which was basically from a rap video) and she pretended to cry so Dean would finally admit that he was falling for her.
10. At the final dinner party she told the whole group Dean was having feelins’, while rubbing her hands with glee and stroking the evil looking cat that just happened to be perched on her shoulders.
11. Finally, Tracey was ready to finish this shit. She was set for her big evil genius reveal. Behold:
While standing in the middle of a suspicious looking farm at their 84738743th commitment ceremony, Dean read out his vows to Tracey. He told her he’s fallen in love with her. He cried and his face went very red. Then was Tracey’s turn, and she… she… DUMPED HIS ARSE.
SHE DUMPED HIS ARSE ON NATIONAL TV.
She told him she can’t trust him and that’s it “too little, too late” and then she left the farm and Dean cried in field for approximately 3989850 hours.
It was perfect and now we see it was 100 per cent planned. Right at the first commitment ceremony, Tracey knew that if she could just stick it out for approximately 8-10 weeks she could dump Dean in a field.
Sure, she knew she might have to put up with a lil’ bit of rapping and a splash of skateboarding, but it would be WORTH IT. And it was.
Tracey Jewel is the evil genius/feminist hero/professional rapper we’ve all been waiting for.
Shout out to all Dads. Here at Mamamia we are always looking for ways to make Mamamia even better. Dads, we need you to help us do that by filling out this quick 15 min survey for us. Click the button below for your say.
Want to win some skin care goodies? Like to have your opinion heard?
Take our short survey now for your chance to a win a skin care pack.