We open on Luke remarking “that is actually pretty intense” and yes he’s talking about the pimple on Poppy’s chin that now appears to be seriously infected.

Poppy’s face is all of us whenever there’s an event on we want to look good for.

While Poppy and Luke dwell on what's happening to Poppy's face, the experts are busy matching strangers based on very little.

Oh.

They're... uncharacteristically excited.

It would appear a whole two and a bit years since same sex marriage was legalised in Australia, Married at First Sight would like to flag that YES they TOO are okay with same sex relationships so if you'd like to give them an award for GROUNDBREAKING TELEVISION SERIES they'd be very HAPPY to ACCEPT.

"I'm so proud to be a part of this," Mel says and Trish is all like "YEAH same sex couples should be allowed to get married TOO" and she's very excited to get involved.

"I think they sound like a good match," Trish says, sounding genuinely shocked, and MATE you literally have one job why are you so startled when it appears to have been done properly?

Over at Amanda's house, it's time to tell her mum she's decided to get married to a stranger on the television and we cannot BELIEVE her REACTION.

Again, she appears to have never heard of award-winning and critically acclaimed documentary series Married at First Sight which makes her the only person in the Western world.

Eventually, she's quite on board with the idea and thinks she also might like to be on prime time TV so scuttles off to buy a new dress.

At Amanda and Tash's wedding, it's weirdly... emotional... and producers are trying to make us feel things we're not open to at 8pm on a Tuesday night.

Their vows are like The Notebook but better. And with more tattoos. We're beginning to think that maybe the experts got this right and in their defence so far they've only ruined the lives of heterosexual people and that male same sex couple in 2016. Maybe they're really, really good at matching women and we've been underestimating Trish all this time. (We haven't).

But Tash's bridesmaids aren't so sure.

They're convinced that Amanda is hiding something ever since she brought up "the past" in her vows which seems paranoid but also... go on.

They take Amanda aside and tell her that her answers seem rehearsed and manicured, to which Amanda responds "Thank you" and no, sweetie, they're convinced you're a criminal.

After they explicitly ask her whether she's been convicted of fraud, they whisper to each other that Amanda didn't seem to connect with them and ladies you just accused her of unsubstantiated criminal activity.

They then decide to tell their good friend Tash that, yes, her new bride is wanted for murder(s) but also, on a more serious note, only just recently broke up with her ex.

Tash is horrified that she's known Amanda for two whole hours now and not once did she mention the last 20 years of her dating history and now all the trust they haven't built yet because they're strangers is broken.

Amanda assures her that she'll "take a bullet for the ones I love" and ma'am who the f*ck is shooting you and is it related to your murder charge?

Over at Natasha and Mikey's ceremony, we spot someone we know (like, in real life) at the wedding which reminds us these are real people who have real friends and it's a weird moment we shan't be dwelling on any longer.

As they pose for their wedding photos, Natasha becomes frustrated that Mikey is 'awkward' and isn't taking the lead. He can't look her in the eye, except for when they're kissing and he decides to keep his eyes wide open, but honestly if someone felt mildly comfortable during their fake TV wedding to a complete stranger we'd have severe concerns.

As the pair walk into the reception, Mikey gets attached to a chair and Natasha straight up hates him.

That's when we meet Lincoln. "That's my hairdresser," Natasha says and pause. 

Who.

Invites.

Their.

Hairdresser.

To.

Their.

(Fake).

Wedding.

Lincoln is... a lot... and decides that Mikey isn't strong enough for his client who he sees on a Monday once every three months while she reads magazines and tries to ignore him.

"BE AN ALPHA MALE," he yells at Mikey and we feel like this hairdresser is perpetuating damaging stereotypes about masculinity but okay.

But then there's a surprise.

Mikey's brother announces that the groom is a "renowned dancer" and why do we feel like that's not... true.

After holding his head in his hands, Mikey takes to the dance floor and why do men do this.

But something has changed. Natasha has discovered Lou. And now she's in love.

Finally, they have both abandoned their self respect/healthy level of skepticism and succumb to the experiment.

After returning home to their hotel, Natasha asks Mikey to please help her undo her dress and no Mikey actually cannot undo one single button and it's not a nerves thing it's a serious coordination issue. 

Natasha texts Lincoln to bitch about it but he replies, "Sorry hun, can't squeeze you in until next Thursday xx" and THIS is why we don't invite our hairdresser to our wedding.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

For more gossip and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You can also join our Facebook group, Married at First Sight Lols.

Catch up on all the recaps:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: Poppy does NOT want to be here.

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