baby

The 8 icky things you do for your child, because it can only be love.

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Let’s be honest some of the stuff our children put us through is pretty gross – like that time I had to scoop poop out of the bath with a never-to-be-used-again salad bowl, or when my precious baby boy decided to projectile pee all over my new jumper while I was half way through changing him at 2am. Since having kids I’ve done a whole lot of things I never imagined yet somehow the ick factor is totally overridden by my all-consuming love for them. Here are some of the things I’ve done that demonstrate my adoration, stamina and strong stomach.

1. Picked boogers from blocked noses.

I have become a skilled gold digger and not in the I-married-a-ninety-year-old-billionaire-because-I-really-love-him-and-he-has-a-yacht way. There is a certain satisfaction that comes with grabbing the hard tail of a booger and pulling it out of your child’s nostril so they can breathe easier. She digs, she scores!

2. Hand washed their favourite toy.

A friend recently told me that handwashing is a swear word in her house. I concur, which is probably why my expensive woollens look like cotton-blend after only a month.

My 3.5-year-old and his teddy comforter have been pretty much inseparable since birth/purchase. If I dare put Teddy in the washing machine, my son sits at the door of the front loader until he knows Teddy has survived the spin cycle. Given that Teddy is frequently used as a hanky/napkin, I find myself handwashing him at least twice a week.

Patiently waiting. Image: Supplied.

3. Deal with poop on the daily.

Kids poo. Often. And you just kind of get used to it. Although I must admit that some of my fondest moments with my kids happened during change time. What is the magic that allows kids to be so cute while making you deal with something so gross? From the first time they began cooing at me as babies, to blowing kisses and giggling as wriggling toddlers, it was the time where I noticed the most growth and change in my baby, even if it meant poop ensued.

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4. Let them hog the bed.

I used to think a king-sized bed was super roomy but it becomes surprisingly cramped when you have two fidgeting kids lying in it horizontally. When my kids wake up in the middle of the night or at 5am on a Sunday, we bring them into bed with us and attempt to get more sleep. It never works but the cuddles make the exhaustion worth it.

5. Ventured to the park in 0 degrees.

My children must have been eskimos or seals in a past life because they do not feel the cold. They will launch themselves into the freezing water at the beach while I stand on the shore pulling my beanie over my ears to avoid frost bite. In winter I have found myself pretending to be delighted by their climbing prowess at the park while my teeth chatter and my toes turn blue in my gumboots. That’s love.

"My children must have been Eskimos or seals in a past life because they do not feel the cold." Image: Supplied.

6. Read their favourite book a million times.

I can pretty much read my kids favourite books without even glancing at the pages. The words are firmly etched in my memory because I’ve read them 1,329,000 times. Despite trying to convince my kids to broaden their horizons at the local library, somehow we always end up reading about going on a friggin’ bear hunt or finding an elusive green sheep. Although I’ll admit it’s rather adorable when they find the sheep and “baaaa” with joy.

7. Bought over-priced merch at over-priced concerts.

I don’t know about you but when I imagine the perfect Saturday morning it involves bacon, eggs and a newspaper, not spending $18 on an Olaf cup filled with ice. Alas, on many a Saturday I find myself sitting in an arena watching a kids show while my kids nag me for hot dogs and Made in China merchandise. I usually give in because they have both nailed the Puss in Boots face from Shrek (which I have watched 2,000,000 times).

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Seriously, how can you say no to this face? Image: DreamWorks Animation.

8. Caught vomit with bare hands.

With two kids attending childcare, gastro has become a part of our lives. A serious bout attacked our family shortly after we moved into our newly renovated home. After ploughing every cent of our savings into the reno and Velcro-ing ourselves to the bank for the rest of our lives, it’s safe to say I was a little protective of our new abode and its contents. So when my little one started puffing out his cheeks pre-spew style I cupped my hands and caught his chunder before it hit our pristine new rug. No steam clean required.

Yep, kids can be pretty gross, but they are also divine little bundles of innocence and joy who teach us how to love fiercely and unconditionally. In amongst the poop scooping and vom-catching are moments of utter perfection. Like when they wrap their chubby little arms around you and nuzzle into your neck for a hug. Or when you’re changing their nappy and they pat their tummy because they want you to give them a hilarious “raspberry”.

There’s the dimply smile and cheeky eyes looking up at you as you wipe the wet patch off your jumper, the infectious giggle as you pull stinky faces at them while using an entire pack of wipes while changing their nappy. For that, I’ll deal with handwashing, bed hogging and boogers any day.

What are your most memorable change time stories?

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