'I started lifting weights. The way it impacted my sex drive shocked me.'

I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has fluctuated throughout my life. There were the teenage years when my raging hormones made everything seem doable and everyone attractive. My libido and ability to become aroused were overflowing with desires, fantasies, rampant horniness and imagination.

Sex in my 20s was about fun, unpredictability, excitement and adventure. The biggest concern was making sure my uterus stayed healthy and vacant. STIs or a baby? No thanks.

Then I got married and we started trying to conceive. Sex became this purposeful act. Creating a family meant doing the deed consistently and frequently. Lots and lots of regular sex.

Now we’re past the baby-making phase. We’re a happy and busy family of four. Sex is on and off our radar; some months are hectic with little-to-no sex and the other months are more open for action. Then a few months ago, I started lifting heavy weights.

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From developing strong bones, and improving metabolism to increasing muscle tone, I experienced all these benefits. But one day after a particularly strenuous workout, my husband walked by and I felt a sudden surge in my libido. I wanted to understand whether this was just a fluke or if I was actually onto something.

Here’s the science and my personal experience with exercise and sex drive.

'It’s not age. It’s muscle mass.'

When I compare my libido in my 20s to how it is now, I tend to worry that it only goes downhill from here. I’m not as interested in sex as I was during those years. Will I completely lose interest by the time I’m in my 50s and 60s?

So I asked Heather Shannon, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Host of the top-ranked “Ask A Sex Therapist” podcast about whether getting older inevitably means a decreased sex drive. Here’s what she told me:

“We so often mention that health issues or sexual health issues are due to age and that’s just not the case. Recently, it was even shown that metabolism doesn’t decline with age. What happens is that we don’t lift weights and challenge our muscles enough — we’re sedentary and we lose muscle and our metabolism declines. So, it’s not age, it’s muscle mass.”

Thankfully, decreasing muscle mass is preventable. 

“Pathologists studied tissue from a five-year-old and a 95-year-old and weren’t told anything ahead of time. Their only finding was the health of mitochondria was vastly different. Mitochondrial health can also be addressed in many ways,” Shannon explained.

For instance, resistance training can help increase mitochondria and prevent muscle mass loss. So my surge in libido may be the result of my workouts.

Feeling confident in my toned body.

After a month of lifting weights, I noticed my body became more toned. There was more definition in my arms and legs. When I feel good about myself, I’m less self-conscious about taking my clothes off. I’m not worried about what my husband thinks of what I look like. I feel desirable. 

I remember reading about different sex positions and feeling like I could never do them. From the Butter Churner, Seashell to the Valedictorian, I’d probably pull a muscle trying to bend my legs behind my head. Or my arms would give out after a minute of the Wheelbarrow.

However, working out regularly improved my posture, core strength and flexibility. All these functional improvements in my body are making me feel like I can experiment more in the bedroom without going out of breath, losing balance or injuring myself.

All this confidence helps increase my sexual desire and makes me want to take action in the bedroom.

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Better mood.

Exercise has been shown to increase levels of happy hormones such as serotonin. 

“Libido is very tied to overall physical health. The less inflammation you have, the better for your energy levels, your blood flow and even your mood. And guess what, when you have good energy levels, blood flow and mood, you are way more likely to want sex,” Shannon said.

I definitely experienced this. On days when I’m feeling sluggish, tired, stressed or overwhelmed, I find exercise usually helps me feel better. After a workout, my mood improves and I feel less anxious. I like knowing that I did something good for my body.

Working out has also helped my marriage. I’m not as easily irritated. My husband’s annoying habits become more tolerable after a set of overhead presses and deadlifts. Instead of snapping at him for every little thing and letting them accumulate into a pile of resentment, I’m able to stay calm and talk to him in a respectful way. My change in mood has made him more patient and compassionate towards me; as a result, our connection has deepened which has translated to the bedroom.

Although everyone knows exercise is good for your health, it can also do wonders for your sex life. I know it has for me.

Katharine Chan, MSc, BSc, PMP is a wife and mum of two. She is the author of three books (How To Deal With Asian Parents, A Brutally Honest Dating Guide and A Straight Up Guide to a Happy and Healthy Marriage) and the creator of 60 Feelings To Feel: A Journal To Identify Your Emotions. Her bylines include VeryWell Mind, CBC Parents, Family Education, HuffPost Canada, Psychedelic Support and CafeMom. You can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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