Kylie Jenner’s new reality TV show begins with the 19-year-old social media star answering the question, “what do you say to people who say you have the perfect life?”
“Laugh,” she responds. “In their face.”
Oh. Well, that’s a little bit rude. And… aggressive.
Life of Kylie, the frankly entirely unnecessary reality series following the life of the youngest Kardashian-Jenner-person, has a single purpose: to make us see that Kylie is really the black sheep of this goddamn family.
No, it's not her older sister Khloe, as a decade of watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians would have you believe. Or her sister Kendall, who insists fame has made her career path as a model much, much harder.
It's Kylie, who sometimes wants to "run away" from this life of fame she didn't choose (while also Snapchatting and Instagramming her escape, because, as she says on the show, she still needs to promote her beauty brand Kylie Cosmetics. She's not a complete recluse.)
Listen: Laura Brodnik and Clare Stephens review Life of Kylie on The Binge...and it's just as bad as you'd expect. Post continues after audio.
The desired outcome of the 'black sheep' narrative, of course, is to establish Kylie as more relatable.
Increasing the "relatability" of the Kylie Jenner brand appears to be some kind of strategic move, maybe to sell more... Kylie? I don't even know at this point. But someone told this woman she needs to be more relatable, so relatable she will be.
Just like all of us, one of the first problems Kylie refers to is the guilt she feels for not being able to drive her Lamborghini more. "We never take the Lambo. I feel so bad for it," she says. "It’s like, ‘Why is she always taking the other cars?'"
Haha, yeah. Poor Lambo.
The first two episodes of Life of Kylie center around the ever-charitable Kylie going to prom with a guy who doesn't have a date. His name is Albert. Somehow (it's really, really not clear how), Kylie's friend Jordyn has Albert's mum's phone number, and organises the surprise.
Kylie tells us that she never went to prom. She was being homeschooled in her senior years, because of her hectic work schedule. I think we're meant to feel sorry for Kylie, but I can't be sure. I mean, I also didn't go to prom? That's because we don't have 'prom' in Australia, but still. So relatable.
But alas, there are several awkward parts to this prom narrative. To start with, Kylie doesn't look anything like a typical teenager going to a semi-formal high school event.
The dramatic tension around whether or not she'll be able to get a new private plane after hers has a technical fault is also... how shall I put this? Ridiculous.
But when she gets to prom with Albert (who, to be honest, seems kinda underwhelmed by the whole thing) it doesn't look like anyone has a good time.
Literally the entire prom stops to descend upon Kylie Jenner and the random dude she's come along with, and then they head upstairs away from everyone else so as not to be bombarded. But hanging out in a separate area to the rest of your peers so you can watch Kylie Jenner whisper to her entourage doesn't seem that... fun.
Listen to this week's full episode of The Binge. Post continues after audio.
They leave after what feels like approximately four minutes, and... yeah. That's that plot line done and dusted.
BUT WAIT. Kylie is having feelings. She sees a therapist to talk about her... issues. But although this show is definitely meant to be showing us that Kylie's life is far from perfect, and that she has her own problems, it doesn't seem to be brave enough to actually show them.
She tells her therapist she's struggling with feeling like she has to be a certain type of person, because she's always being watched, but that isn't really who she is. She doesn't like being in front of the camera and it makes her feel awkward.
She says all this while filming her therapy session.
I'm sure Kylie Jenner's life isn't perfect. I never thought it was. But....Life of Kylie steers very clear of any real engagement with this idea.
The interesting parts of Kylie's story are glossed over, giving way to more crucial flashes of her Snapchats to fill in the time. For example, I found it sad to see that almost all the friends in her immediate circle are her employees.
That... sucks. Her assistant, makeup artist and hair stylist are three of her best friends. It must feel weird to know that the people you're closest to are also on your pay roll.
She also clearly compares herself to her sister Kendall, and friends Bella (Hadid) and Hailey (Baldwin).
For a second I found myself thinking that her life might be somewhat similar to mine, with insecurities, family struggles, triumphs and failures, and ever changing challenges it seems like no one else can understand.
But then I remembered the Lamborghini. And I laughed.