6 ways that NOT having a kid actually makes life harder.






By Mamamia ROGUE

So having a kid is ridiculously rewarding and fills you with a kind of love that you’ve never known and it’s just so awesome and it changes your priorities for the better and blah blah blah love love love.

Yes – understood. ALL THE LOVE ETC. What we don’t often hear about though, are the practical benefits that come from having a mini-human.

Benefits that, if we’re being totally honest, single people don’t even come CLOSE to receiving. IT’S JUST NOT FAIR. Having a kid gives you exclusive access to so much awesomeness – it’s almost enough to make you want to procreate. Almost.

1. You don’t have a good enough excuse to get out of stuff

You can pretty much use a kid to get out of EVERYTHING, including, but not limited to:

Crappy social situations: “Oh, I so wish I could be there! If only I didn’t have this darn kid to look after… Next time!”

Awkward conversations: “Oh my gosh! That’s so annoying about your boyfriend’s sister’s cousin’s bitchy mum, but I just got a txt saying my kid’s sick! Gotta go!”

Staying back late at work: “I hope you guys don’t stay too late, I’ve got to pick up my kid. Byeeee”

Soz guys, can’t make it –  got a kid now.

2. You don’t have a kid to blame shit on

Turn up to work with breakfast on your shirt? “My kid did it.” Not up to date with the latest world crisis because you were watching Honey Boo Boo last night? “My kid was watching TV.” Your iPod is filled with every Disney soundtrack ever released? “It’s for my kid.”


3. You look suss by yourself at theme parks

Yeah – you may say that you’re going ‘just for the kids’, but don’t pretend like you’re not enjoying that Dumbo ride just as much as the next 4-year-old. Although, people like this make this make this one hard to argue:

4. You are left out of all the colouring activities

Yeah. That flight attendant with the colouring books just walked straight past you. And what’s with the waitstaff at restaurants automatically assuming you don’t want crayons and a jungle crossword? Not. Fair. And while we’re on restaurants:

5. No access to the kids menu

This is a two-pronged problem:

a) Price: You want a smaller meal, which the kids menu provides, but they won’t let you purchase anything from that menu because you’re an adult. Um… unfair much? If you actually WANT the smaller serving size, you should be able to have it for the cheaper price.

You get to colour in a SpongeBob! A SPONGEBOB!

b) Selection: The kids menu always has magical options that can’t be found on the adult version. How ridiculous that you can’t have a Doormouse’s Cheese Pleaser Pancake Special just because it’s ‘technically’ only for the kids? WE SHOULD ALL BE ALLOWED CHEESE PLEASERS.

6. Parties no longer provide lolly bags

What if you don’t want to go home with a man, you just want to go home with a mini-bag full of smarties and sour worms? Is that too much to ask? IS IT?