Because time is a flat circle, the Kardashians rule this world and hobbies are confined to the few people who have… purpose… we’ve found ourselves in a realm where the only things propelling us forward and keeping us up at night are Kardashian baby theories.
Don’t scoff. You’re here, too.
In the curious case of Kylie Jenner’s non-pregnancy, it’s felt much like we’re the puppets to the Kardashian’s puppeteers. They’re running the rumours, running the story and running us around in circles and circles and circles.
And here we have another circle to run.
You see, we’ve stumbled on a theory as to why Kylie Jenner may or may not be hiding from the entire world while she may or may not be growing a teeny-tiny human in her belly. (Almost like a public service, except a little less like the public service part and a little more like general, unfounded, entertaining (??) speculation.)
It all comes down to fillers.
Listen: Culture writer and author Anne Helen Petersen shares the ‘look’ most celebrities go for during pregnancy. And yes, it has a name.
In a 2015 episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Jenner, 20, admitting to getting “temporary lip fillers”.
For better or worse, our business or not, they became a key part of her public identity. (Perhaps it’s no coincidence her widely popular lip kits – her million dollar lip kits – were released in the same period the world refused to stop talking about her lips.)
So can she actually get them while she’s pregnant?
According to Dr Simon Ourian, a cosmetic and plastic surgeon who has worked with Jenner, it depends on the doctor. But he wouldn’t be encouraging it.
“No one knows the implications of lip fillers on pregnant patients since dermal fillers haven’t been tested on pregnant women.”
Despite the fact Jenner has denied the use of fillers and Botox in the past, there is no denying her appearance has changed markedly in the past few years. Of course, it has no bearing on anything at all really, but it’s an interesting prospect to note: That it’s entirely possible that Kylie Jenner may be hiding out from us because she doesn’t look how we’re so used to seeing her.
Oh, and it’s also entirely possible that’s not the case at all.
Because would it really be a Jenner baby theory if it didn’t come to some vague, non-conclusion after all?
See you next time.