Kyle and Jackie O are now earning $39,000 per radio show. This is their uncensored money diary.

On Thursday, the Australian Radio Network (ARN) announced it had renewed the contracts of KIIS FM’s Kyle Sandilands and Jackie ‘O’ Henderson, with The Daily Telegraph reporting the pair are set to earn a maximum of $50 million each over six years. An insider indicated their annual salaries could be as high as $7-8m, with incentive bonuses and revenue share on top. We’re not very good at maths so we must thank news.com.au for this figure: “[Kyle and Jackie O] will be getting paid more than $39,000 each per three-and-a-half hour radio show.” We imagined what Kyle and Jackie O’s weekly money diary would look like.

Age: 48 and 44

Industry: Radio

Salary: $8,000,000 each

Housing:

Kyle: A $3m, 61 hectare farm

Jackie: Recently lost out on a $5.8m mansion :(

Assets: 14 cars, 12 pigs, 8 chickens, two horses 17 dogs and a cat between them

Regular expenses:

Netflix/Stan:

Kyle: $0, I use Imogen’s accounts

Jackie: $30 for both

Rent:

Kyle: $5000 per week

Jackie: Pays rent in Masked Singer set secrets

Petrol: 

Kyle: Average $20,000 a week

Jackie: $200 a week

Sunday – Day One

Kyle: Imogen and I start the day with a stroll around our farm. She rides one of our horses as I travel behind in a horse-drawn carriage, drinking 4 instant coffees for breakfast ($0). For lunch, we drive my Ferrari into town and I have to fill up on gas ($12,000), before we grab a chicken sandwich each ($24) and another four coffees, barista-made this time ($18). We head home and I pack my bag for the week. I drive to Sydney in my Lamborghini because it’s much more fuel efficient and grab some cheeky Wicked Wings from KFC for dinner ($10). I’m tired from the drive so avoid all emails and responsibility and head straight to bed.

Jackie: I’ve been feeling deflated by the state of the Eastern Suburbs housing market lately, so I wallow in bed for a bit this morning. I really understand why those first home buyer millennials keep complaining. To ease my pain I walk to my favourite Vaucluse cafe and order a coffee and smashed avocado on toast for brunch ($57), then I head home and get ready for a beach day with Kitty. We pack sparkling grape juice and truffles from the cupboard to have as a picnic on the sand ($0). After a couple of hours enjoying the weather I treat her to an iceblock ($7) for the wander home. Later on I scroll Instagram and email Kyle a few content ideas for this weeks show, then gather leftovers for an easy dinner ($0). I don’t get to watch me and my bestie Lindsay on TV tonight, which is a shame, so I decide to have an early night.

Daily total:

Kyle: $12,052

Jackie: $64

Monday – Day Two

Kyle: My alarm goes off at 4.45 and I roll myself out of bed and get ready in approximately 3 minutes. I drive to work in my Bentley and I arrive to a producer already holding out my first coffee of the day. After two more I am feeling sufficiently caffeinated to take on the day. After asking a fkn reality TV contestant about their sex life first up, fkn yum ham and cheese croissants are delivered to the studio. The rest of the morning is fkn dull as there’s no more guests worth offending today. I skip work meetings because fkn b-o-r-i-n-g, but make sure to take another 3 fkn yum croissants for lunch and dinner before leaving the office. Imogen’s gone to Byron Bay for a few days so I settle in for a night of watching shows that she doesn’t fkn like: Mainly the pilot of Trial by Kyle, but also old Australian Idol reruns.

Jackie: I’m a snoozer, so my first alarm goes off at 4.48 and I give myself 25 minutes of ‘nooooo’ before I haul myself out of bed. I take about 10 minutes to get ready. I make a quick Nespresso – no Clooney in sight, sadly – and guzzle it before running out the door to a waiting Uber ($37). We are given croissants for breakfast and the show goes by without any major drama. I head to a planning meetings afterwards and Kyle… doesn’t. I wander into the city for lunch with some of the girls from work and get a Laksa ($12). Instead of heading back to the office, one of them drops me at Westfield and I buy a little more makeup than I really needed ($3,039.99), but hey, treat yo’self. I head to the supermarket and buy enough food for the next couple of days ($120). I make me and Kitty a salad for dinner and we watch The Masked Singer before getting ready for bed.

Daily total:

Kyle: $0

Jackie: $3,208.99

Mamamia’s daily entertainment podcast The Spill discuss Kyle and Jackie O’s pay rise, as wella s Renee Zellweger’s portrayal of Judy Garland in her new film Judy. Post continues after audio. 

Kyle: My morning routine is the same most mornings, except on the days I need to leave two minutes earlier to fill up with petrol. Today the Lambo needs a full tank ($5078) but I make it to work on time to do some more offending. The three-and-a-half hour show flies by because of all the reality TV contestant guests I get to make fun of. I try to leave work straight after but Jackie yells at me for not reading her emails and drags me to a content meeting. I look at photos of Imogen while pretending to listen. At least the meeting is catered so I don’t need to buy lunch. Rent comes out of my account ($5000) and I remember I have one last night of being home alone so I call up my mates and order KFC to cater a poker night ($300).

Jackie: Alarm, coffee, work as usual. Last night I dreamt that I had a butler and thought how wonderful that would be. Then I realised that I could make that happen. I ask one of the producers to organise that for me. After the show I have another couple of meetings and bite my tongue while Kyle pays precisely zero attention to what’s going on. He’s lucky I have so many great content ideas. I pick up Kitty from school on my way home and I don’t feel like cooking so I order a chef on Airtasker ($340). It gives me a taste of what life would be like with a butler and I am here for it.

Daily total:

Kyle: $10,378

Jackie: $345

Wednesday – Day Four

Kyle: My alarm goes off as normal, I text a producer to get me at least 3 fkn Powerades to drink as well as my usual coffees throughout the show. Jackie’s sent some emails… eh, not important. I’m pretty tired so I pretend I’m feeling sh*t by coughing during each radio break. A producer asks me if I’m feeling okay and ha, they are like putty in my hands. I pick Imogen up from the airport after work and thankfully only need toot my horn 4 times, stupid fkn Sydney drivers amirite???? She’s brought back some matcha, hemp coconut concoction for my dinner but I missed her so I pretend it’s the best thing I’ve ever fkn eaten.

Jackie: Coffee, work, a wagyu beef salad for lunch ($44). Kyle’s fake coughing annoyed the shit out of me today, so I treat myself to a manicure with gold-plated polish ($150). I throw in a foot massage too ($50). I arrive home and hear some rumbling in the kitchen. I yell out to Kitty, but she’s our back in our movie cinema. So who… Oh. My. God. There’s a bald man in a suit in my kitchen. Under other circumstances I’d be terrified, but I walk in just as he’s removing Foie gras from the stove. He introduces himself as Geoffrey, my new butler. Kitty and I eat our expensive duck meal and settle in for a night on the couch, while Geoffrey fans us with golden leaves.

Daily total:

Kyle: $0

Jackie: $244

Thursday – Day Five

Kyle: I call in sick to work, hop back into bed and sleep soundly knowing that my nap will earn me $39,000. I’m bored when I wake up so order a $3000 miniature pony. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Imogen makes me lunch with eggs from our chickens and dinner from one of said chickens ($0, but I’ll eventually need $30 for another fkn bird).

Jackie: Bloody Kyle called in sick for work, but honestly, I don’t mind because that means… Beau Ryan. After the show Beau and I decide to grab brunch in the Eastern Suburbs – the poor guy is on a few million less than me so I pay for the whole thing ($85) and we spontaneously decide to walk the Bondi to Coogee. He drops me home afterwards and as I enter the house it smells… divine. Like freshly baked bread. Bless you, Geoffrey. We finish off our meals with creme brulee, then he gives me a facial and a hot stone massage and I sleep like a baby.

Daily total:

Kyle: $3000

Jackie: $85

Friday – Day Six

Kyle: I’ve had a miraculous recovery and feel good as new after driving to the office over the speed limit in my Lamborghini. Today we speak to two rejects from The Bachelorette and I go overtime with too many inflammatory questions. By the time we come off air, my questioning has already garnered six media articles and the top story on Daily Mail so I leave the office with a spring in my step. I swap the Lambo for the Bentley and chuck some clothes in a bag. I collect Imogen from the spa pool and we drive back down to the farm where my miniature pony should already have been delivered. We get lunch to share for the drive ($20) and make it down in record time, and with a record 32 toots of the fkn horn. I make my way to the stable and that’s when I see a pony so small it’s definitely not going to be able to pull my horse-drawn carriage. What a waste of $3000. I’m angry, so I decide against going out for dinner and instead insist on eating another of our chickens. We watch 2002’s Celebrity Big Brother before going to bed.

Jackie: I’m walking on air today. I wake up to light rainforest sounds and a warm face towelette. I drink coffee in bed and feel like I’m walking on a cloud as I drive to work. Someone tries to cut me off and I yell “Good morning!” from my drivers window. I am well rested! I never have to cook again! A man in a suit fans me with golden leaves at night! Geoffrey sent me to work with a green smoothie for breakfast and I order a delivery of oysters for the team’s lunch ($250). I skip an afternoon meeting because I have a butler to get home to. As I’m stalking Roxy Jacenko on Instagram, a five-course meal is delivered to my lap. I notice my bank account has one less zero than before: Geoffrey’s weekly salary has been taken out ($17,000). He’s worth every penny.

Daily total:

Kyle: $20

Jackie: $17,250

Saturday – Day Seven

Kyle: Saturdays are for riding around my kingdom farm in my carriage. The only downside of living rurally is that we’re out of range for food delivery apps, so I call in a favour and 45 minutes later, enough buckets of KFC to last the weekend arrive by helicopter ($4000). The rest of the day is boring: KFC, laughing at my fkn tiny pony and watching re-runs of the second season of X Factor Australia.

Jackie: Saturday means auction day! I give Geoffrey the morning off and get myself pumped for bidding with a coffee and pastry from the local patisserie ($8) before walking to the first auction. The house is a bit small – 6 bedrooms and only a half-Olympic size pool – but I don’t mind quaint. I put in an instant $5m bid. Two others continue to fight it out in increments of $5000, and it’s a bit boring tbh so I throw a spanner in the works and yell “$30,000!”. A man in a suit ends up winning, which is fine because I really do need a bigger pool. I walk around the block to another auction for an 8 bedroom place with a full Olympic pool and a sauna – bonus! I stay quiet as the other 30 people at the house battle it out, then just as the auctioneer is about to put down his hammer I swoop in with a $8m offer. It works and I’m elated – so much so I hand over the money in cash, plus extra for the furniture and shirtless pool boy ($8.3m). I realise I haven’t had lunch, but the free macarons at both houses kept me going. For dinner I drink champagne and caviar delivered to me via Uber’s exclusive app Uber Treats ($725) and then head to bed.

Daily total:

Kyle: $4000

Jackie: $8,300,733

Weekly total:

Kyle: $29,450

Jackie: 8,319,865.99

Reflection:

Kyle: It’s all good, except for that fkn miniature pony.

Jackie: A new butler, a pool boy and a mansion! What a week. I think my spending habits and regular treats are justifiable, considering I’m raising a child, employing a butler, pool boy and carrying the weight of my radio show.

*This is an entirely fictionalised account of how Kyle and Jackie O spend their money. It’s just fun to imagine how people richer than we’ll ever be spend their hard earned cash.