By JILLIAN KINGSFORD SMITH
This time last year I was diagnosed with MS. It’s only now that I’m starting to be a little more vocal that I’m living with MS because inevitably, whenever I do explain why I’m using a walking stick, people tilt their head slightly to one side and tighten their lips as if to say “Oh you poor thing.” In fact many do actually verbalise their pity for me. It’s enough to make you want to invent another reason why a healthy-looking 42 year old woman requires a walking stick.
I’ve spent the last 12 months interviewing fellow MS sufferers around Australia about their own journey with this chronic illness. One thing we’ve all agreed on is that we don’t want to be pitied and we certainly don’t want to be called ‘MS sufferers.’
The other consensus was that everyone is fed up with the stigma attached to MS. There wasn’t one person I spoke to who, when told they had MS, didn’t immediately think they were going to end up in a wheelchair.
MS is a disease of the central nervous system or a process that involves an inflammatory demyelinating condition that causes lesions on the brain or spinal cord. The best description I’ve ever heard of MS comes from one of my favourite television shows ‘The West Wing.’ Jed Bartlet, the president of America, has MS and his wife Abbey, a doctor, describes MS as the immune system shredding his brain. Depending on where these lesions form will generally determine the types of symptoms you end up with. Symptoms can include anything from loss of sensation in various parts of your body, loss of mobility, cognitive dysfunction and fatigue and vision issues. MS affects me greatest in that I can’t feel my left leg, and hence can’t feel the foot hit the ground when I walk. I also experience huge issues with propreaception or spatial awareness. The result is that while I can physically walk around quite well, everything always feels off balance and without a walking stick I weave around, surely looking like a drunk. The other thing is that if I’m in a crowded environment, such as a shopping centre or an airport, my brain has trouble processing people walking around or towards me and this throws me off balance. In these situations the walking stick serves to deter people.