Kim Kardashian-West wants a $1 million present – a diamond choker necklace – for having her second baby.
Not just any diamond choker necklace. She wants the Lorraine Schwartz diamond choker that she wore to the Art + Film Gala.
She said so in her blog. Right before a post on Casual Cool (lots of pics of Kim looking at the camera) and right after Instagram Saturday (lots of Instagram pics of Kim looking at the camera). And when I said Kim “said so” I mean she most probably sat on a couch bigger than most living rooms, sipped on a fat-free green smoothie and told a ghost writer (who is being eaten up by another really huge couch in the corner) what she wanted her blog to be all about that day.
Picture this. Kim says: “For my next blog, I want to talk about how I want a million dollar diamond choker as my push present, because life isn’t fair and I have to carry a baby for nine months [sips green smoothie thoughtfully] and then give birth to it. And that’s, literally, unfair.”
The ghost writer sinks further into mouth of couch…
“Make it sound like me, but fun and easy-going. Oh, and use heaps of exclamation marks, [sips green smoothie] because the the general public need to know how I feel. Also put in some LOLs, so that people know I’m relatable…”
As the ghost writer got to work, Kim had a sleep, or went shopping, or went to a party, or had her nails done, or a procedure done, or her hair, or something that involved money and appearance. Because you would, wouldn’t you?
Here’s what Kim/ghost writer had to say on the subject of her push present:
“Do you guys believe in a push present? I never did, but all of my friends do!!! We have the funniest e-mail chains discussing it. One friend got a special diamond ring she always wanted, and another friend got a new car! I like the idea of a push present—after nine months of pregnancy it’s a sweet and well-deserved thank you. We women go through an entire pregnancy carrying a baby…of course it only makes sense that we get something amazing to show how amazing we are! LOL!
This pregnancy, I would love a Lorraine Schwartz diamond choker, like the ones I’ve worn before to the Art + Film Gala. Too much? LOL!”
I’m not going to get all worthy here, because that’s never been what the Kardashians have been about and it is unfair to compare apples with oranges that earn lots of money being famous on TV. It’s not about the cost of the desired push present coming in at a cool $1 million dollars. It’s of no consequence that kind of money can give immunisations to around 36,000 Indian children at $28 a pop, or could run for six-and-a-half years (at $157,000 a year) a women’s and children’s homeless shelter that provides accommodation and services for hundreds of women a year.
Forget that. We’re not talking nuclear non-proliferation treaties: We’re talking a Kardashian and a diamond necklace.
We’re talking here about ‘push presents’ – a reward with a monetary value attached being exchanged for bringing forth a life. It’s about a transaction occurring between two adults just as a tiny, new baby takes its first breath. A bracelet for a breath.
I remember the first time I ever heard the term “push present”. Victoria Beckham apparently was given a suite of gifts after the birth of one of her boys and I was pregnant at the same time and thought this must be an “only in celebrity land” concept.
Then I began to hear of women I knew through friends of friends getting “push presents”. A ring, or a new jacket, or an iMac. While there was an air of amusement about a “push present”, it still created a whole dialogue around what a woman “deserves” for being pregnant and going through childbirth.That lucky woman who could get pregnant in the first place and then be lucky enough to give birth to a healthy child “deserved” something shiny and new; the very antithesis of a vernix-covered newborn baby who is squashed and mewling and completely messy.
And I thought: These are smart women. I get pregnancy can be hard, I understand labour can hurt – a lot, but why the need for a reward that, no matter how stylish, will always be tacky, will always devalue the complex, amazing, hard, simply-not-enough-words-for-it process of bringing a new life into the world? It commodifies the sheer power and brilliance of a woman’s body. Doesn’t society do that to us enough already? Why do we want to do it to ourselves?
WATCH Kim Kardashian talk about Kanye and baby North. Post continues after the video…
(Anyway, wouldn’t it be nice to have one life experience that marketers and advertisers can’t sell us stuff for?)
Kim knows a thing or ten about commodities, transactions, drive and diamond necklaces. Kanye will probably buy her a “push present” and Kim can tell the whole world she has been fairly rewarded for the hard work of pregnancy and labour. Off they ride into the L.A. sunset: Two deserving parents taking Instagram pictures of themselves.
I’ll stick to walking out of the hospital with a baby, my family and my miraculous, powerful and worn body that produced them all.
What’s the most expensive push present you’ve ever heard of?